Shannon's Journal

Losing Control 2010

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:03:47 CDT

Happy 2010!
It's a strange time of year, really. Just last month advertisers were trying to get us to gorge on anything and everything calorie-laden that we could cram into our mouths & to whip out our credit cards for every new gadget we laid our eyes upon. But now, as I glance to the right column of advertisements on Facebook, all the ads are about re-gaining control. Of course, they are still trying to sell us something, but instead of selling indulgence, they are selling us restraint. "Weight Watchers" is touting "weight loss freedom." Subway is teaching us to "eat fresh." The latest diet RX that is sure to do the trick is pill-pushing. And so on and so forth. All to gain control. Control that just last month we blindly cast aside as "ho-hum" as we said "Ho-Ho-Ho"!

It's always about control, isn't it?

I confess, this last year has left me feeling more out of control than ever before. The only season I could compare it to was the extended season of infertility in our lives. Prayers seemed to slam the ceiling of Heaven and I felt like there was nothing more we could do. And I was right. I was completely out of control. That season lasted 10 years. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

Then some years rolled by and things seem to sail pretty smoothly. Financially, spiritually, mentally, physically... things were going pretty well...fairly uneventful, with the occasional bump in the road. Then "BOOM!!!!!!" March 29th of 2009. I am completely out of control again. My husband Mark breaks twenty - three bones in his body and has metal permanently implanted into 5 limbs and joints all because one girl happened to be driving and not paying attention on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Mark's job ends, three surgeries take place, our life goes into storage - not to mention our dreams - lots of rehab ensues & we no longer have much sense of what the future holds. Then or now.

And so, if you're like me, you begin to try to control everything that CAN be controlled. I may obsessively clean my house, sort through things, purge and give to the Good Will. Organize and then organize some more. Containers...that's what I need. More containers...large and small! Maybe, if it's the beginning of a New Year, I get super-motivated and control my eating and exercise more faithfully than I do the rest of the year. I re-organize my filing cabinet, old receipts, get my "house in order" because everything else is pure chaos. There are some things I can and will control, and these are they.

That was my 2009. Losing control. It was terrible, yet wonderful. And God met me there in such a powerful way that I'm still processing. Maybe more powerfully than when I imagined I was "in control" years before.

The book of James says, "Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

What part of that Scripture gives us any indication that we are in control at all? As far as I can tell, it seems to be a sum total of about zero percent.

Or how about this one ..."For I know the plans I HAVE FOR YOU" declares the Lord. (Jer. 29)
Or, "We are the clay, You are the Potter; we are all the work of Your hand." (Isaiah 64)
H-m-m-m-m....again, I'm not getting the picture that we are "at the wheel," so to speak. Are you?

It seems to me we are all completely out of control. Always. On March 28th, I was just as out of control as I was at 3:30 PM on March 29th, when I got the call from the hospital. And so why the increased anxiety, the absolute fight to cast my cares upon the Lord, the urge to take so many things into my hands because I feel the reins have been ripped from mine since that scary day? Because somehow I guess I must've thought I was in control prior to that. Oh, I wouldn't have said those words. After all, I've even written songs about the Lord being in control and surrendering everything to Him, etc...And I believe and mean every word. But my actions and reactions revealed that deep inside I must've felt some level of self-sufficiency and that I wasn't too happy with this outcome.

And so, as I face this new year, I do have a few resolutions.

I have the usual..."lose 15 pounds."
And the "eat less sugar/exercise more."
And don't forget the "spend more quality time with my family...unrushed and undistracted."
And the sincere "spend more time with the Lord...quality not quantity."
These are mostly all goals that are within my control.

But my number one New Year's Resolution is this.

To lose control.

Or, more accurately, to become more at ease with the fact that I never have been in control at all - at least of the things that matter most. I do not wish to regain the perception of control I so firmly held in my grasp, but to be at peace with my open hands.

I want to honestly look my anxiety square in the eye and sock it in the jaw. To realize that the fear of loss or of more pain, the anger and frustration that try to grip me at times are just symptoms of a greater problem. And that problem is that I am afraid of fully letting go.

Oh, I trust God. Don't get me wrong. But I guess there's a part of me that is sometimes scared of the unpredictability of it all. And so this year I want to continue learning more about truly being OK with the letting go, even in the face of pain.

If we could but see into eternity. Just a peek, as John did in Revelation, I'm sure it would be much easier to gain this kind of perspective..."I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True." (Rev 19) Would I believe and trust fully then? Most certainly, I hope.

But I want to trust now, not just because I have seen Him, but because I have seen His faithfulness through the pain and I have chosen to believe. As Peter said in I Peter 1, I long for this to be said of me... "In this I greatly rejoice, though now for a little while I may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that my faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though I have not seen Him, I love Him: (oh, yes, I love Him!) and even though I do not see Him now, I believe in Him and am filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy..."

Not panic. Not fear. Not anxiety. Not moaning and groaning. Not doubt.

But joy. Rejoicing. Genuine faith. Rest. Love. Salvation. Trust.

Why? Because I believe in this rider whose name is "Faithful and True." He has a robe dipped in blood, and there's simply no mistaking how much He loves me.

"Happy 2010, my Lord. May You who holds time in Your hands and who is not bound by the hours in a day or the days in a year, fully reign in me this 2010. I do not clench tightly my future, but cling to You who holds it in Your loving hands."

A Long Obedience in the Same Direction

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:16:24 CDT

I haven't actually read the book "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction" but I've always loved the title & have had it on my "must read" list for a while. The title very much describes the road that Mark, Christian & I are on right now with regard to Mark's recovery.

It's been six months since Mark's motorcycle accident. In some ways, it's hard to believe that so much time has passed. But on the other hand, it feels like it was yesterday. It's so weird how time plays tricks on us and before you know it a year has passed! As John Mayer sings..."someone stop this train." It makes me grateful for eternity and the gift of being home at long last.

Mark is doing really, really well. Every 6 weeks or so we visit Mark's surgeon and he is astounded at how well Mark is doing. He told us last time Mark went in that when he saw Mark's injuries in the ER the night of his accident that he really thought Mark would never walk again. God had another story in mind! Then when Mark went to visit the neurologist for a nerve study a couple months ago, the Dr. asked him, "Mark, how are your pain levels?" And Mark could honestly say..."I really don't have any pain, per se.' I take an ibuprofen every other day for general aches, but have no real pain to speak of." The Dr. said that this was a "miracle" (yes, he used the "M" word) and that people come into his office 6 or 7 YEARS later and are still in pain and in need of narcotic pain medication. It's remarkable really, and we thank God for His amazing grace in this area of Mark's recovery.

As far as Mark's ability to walk, he is getting stronger each week. The recovery is not in major increments, as it seemed it was before...(ie, coming home, standing up, taking first steps, using a walker). Now, it is in small but steady increments. Mark is still walking with a walker, but getting better and better. Stronger and stronger. More and more confident & steady. At the beginning and ending of each day, Mark usually needs to use his wheelchair, just because he feels worn out. But most days, when he is out and about, he uses his walker, or once in a while, a cane. And he's even been known to wave that thing around or whack someone with it, jokingly, of course. :) I am kind enough to remind him that he is a little young for pointing with his cane. :)

As far as prayer requests go....we would covet your prayers for continued healing and strength to Mark's bones and joints. There is one place in one of his femurs (the one that was completely smashed and shattered in several places) where the bone needs to heal more, or else they will have to pull the rod out and put in a new one to stimulate bone growth. We would prefer NOT to have to do that, because that means more surgery, risk of infection and more recovery time. So, if you could pray that that bone would be stimulated to grow and heal on its own, that would be awesome!

Also, above where his knee injury was, he is still not able to get the side of his quad muscle to engage. His other muscles are working great and will kick in to support the leg, but it would be great if the nerves would heal and restimulate this muscle, which would help give him more stability. There is a period of 2 years after being damaged that nerves can heal and re-discover each other, so we're praying that this will happen in that leg!

Our family is definitely different than we were on March 28th, since Mark's accident on March 29th. I seem to cry more easily than I did before and I have to ask the Lord to help me give Him my fears when my heart starts to focus on what I can not control. Thus, we are learning to trust Him more. We are holding the future more loosely, in that we know we can plan our ways, but God truly directs our paths. So, we are learning more about waiting on Him. When I reach across the couch or the car to hold Mark's hand, it means something even sweeter than it did on March 28th. We are learning more deeply the meaning of love. I cry a little harder at Hallmark commercials. I sometimes cringe at intersections or when I see someone texting when they're barrelling down the highway. Our heart's priorities are more firmly and clearly in place. Things that once seemed high priority have lost some of their luster and importance. Simplicity is beautiful. Loving my Savior, my family & my friends & learning to be salt & light to a world in need are paramount. Loving what God loves more than my own comfort. Setting aside "busyness" for rest. Realizing that we are truly in His hands, that He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us. And being totally OK with feeling completely out of control - comfortably clothed in His strength in the midst of my weakness.

In other words, the Wexelberg Family is doing great because Christ in us is the hope of glory! Can I get a witness? :) Because as Christ-followers, we can somehow count it all joy because of all that our trials are working in us! It's a mystery that beauty can come from the ashes of our brokenness. But it does. That same mystery is a promise.

Thank you for your friendship & your love along the way. The value of your prayers has been and continues to be immeasurable. For these, we thank you most of all! Please let us know how we can be praying for you too.

In Christ's Love,

Shannon

From Strength to Strength

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 16:51:16 CDT

One of my favorite passages in all of Scripture is found in Psalm 84. There is something about it that makes my heart beat faster and my spirit resound with a hearty "Yes!" & "Amen!" I was reading a chunk of it this morning and my eyes landed on verses 5-7..."Blessed are those whose strength is in You, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion."

As pilgrims headed toward the heart of God and the new Jerusalem, what a perilous, winding, sorrowful path we often tread in the natural. Certainly, if we focused on what our human eyes alone can see - the frailty of it all - we would collapse in our Valley of Baca, lose sight of our destination & die in our misery. But there is something miraculous about coming to our "end." The end of our rope - so to speak. The end of our strength. The end of our human wisdom. The end of our own bright ideas & solutions. Our end becomes His beginning. God steps in. And when He does, our resources become immense, immeasurable and invigorating! The dry place becomes alive and verdant and, suddenly, that which we thought would drain us of all life and any reason to go on, becomes a pool of refreshing springing up around our feet. He nourishes us, He cares for us, He waters us...and we grow. From strength to strength. It is in the "setting of our hearts" that we gain this treasure. The Valley of Baca will remain just that - a place of weeping and no more - if the eyes of our hearts don't peer through our tears into the horizon of our eventual destination. Ah, yes...strength comes in the setting of our hearts in the midst of these tears. I am learning.

This has been my prayer during Mark's recovery and I've been seeing it come to pass before my very eyes - not only in the spirit, but also in the natural. The last time I wrote, Mark had just begun weight bearing with his walker and doing his pool therapy. A slow process, but a sure one. The title of the book by Eugene Peterson "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction" rings true. Every day and every step, Mark is getting stronger, but it is a long "obedience," of sorts, getting up each day and learning to walk again, not able to see much beyond this "valley," but knowing that what awaits us is well worth the obedience.

On a practical note, we went to visit Mark's surgeon, Dr. Rusnak, last Tuesday and he continues to rave about the speed of Mark's recovery! It's been 4 1/2 months now, since his accident, but Dr. R. said he's about 3 months ahead of where he might have expected Mark to be. Thank You, Lord! As I sat in the hallway, waiting for Mark to finish his fresh set of x-rays, I giggled to myself at the photographs of motorcyclists and rodeo stars lining the halls of the waiting area - all autographed by the "star" with "thank-you's" for putting them back together again. OK...so now we know what NOT to do if you don't want to land in THIS surgeon's office too many times. :) Thanks for the tip! Maybe we'll have to send an autographed picture of Mark, sitting in front of his laptop, with a hearty "thanks!" for putting the pieces back together again, even for this Business Analyst.

Anyway! Mark's visit to the Dr. was positive in many ways. Healing of the bones is progressing marvelously and Dr. R. will continue to watch those joint areas and the circulation to the tissue for probably the next year or so. So far, so good. There is one area of concern, and that is an area on the outside of the leg just above Mark's knee injury where the nerves and the muscles don't seem to be engaging. They just aren't contracting properly and the Dr. can't quite figure out any explanation for it, based on his injury and surgery sites. So, in September, we have to have a nerve study done on that portion of his leg. I would love if you would pray along with us for total restoration of that leg and for wisdom for the Dr's as they investigate and, possibly, treat this! Thank you!

Each week Mark is walking more and more, mostly with his walker, but even more and more without it! The first week he started trying to walk without it, we laughed because he pretty much waddled like a penguin. So, leave it to Mark, to flap his arms together and make penguin sounds as well! Might as well make the most of the moment! He still has to measure his strength each day and not overdo it, lest he end up really sore and exhausted the next day. But each week he is going from "strength to strength"- there's no doubt about it. Last weekend, we went with friends from Woodmen Valley Chapel down to Territorial Correctional Facility in Canon City and visited the guys down there. I've been there quite a few times before, but this was Mark's first time. The guys had been praying hard for Mark and it was awesome for them to see the "fruit of their labor" as Mark shared his testimony with them about his healing. Then, this weekend, believe it or not, Mark even traveled home to Michigan, via airplane, to go to a reunion of friends and to visit his family. It wasn't good timing for all three of us to go, so he jet-setted across America with his wheelchair and walker! We will pick him up on Tuesday morning!

So, ladies and gentlemen - as we Christ-followers all are - the Wexelberg's are on a pilgrimage. This is just one "leg" of our journey, and we're bound and determined to keep our hearts set on the ultimate destination, tapping into the riches of Him who has redeemed us and is calling us Homeward. And in this moment, I thank God for friends and family like you with whom we can share the journey, bearing one another's burden, when it becomes unbearable on our own. Thank you so much for your continued prayers for Mark's healing, for lifting me up as a wife & Mom, for believing with me for the songs that have been and are yet to be written for this project I am tackling in the Fall, & especially "thank you" for just "being" here. Fellow pilgrims. Dancing in the pools of His refreshing. Heading home.

From a Grateful Heart,
Shannon

Freedom & Baby Steps

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:51:21 CDT

Greetings one and all & Happy Fourth of July! I hope you are enjoying the days of Summer and taking some time to soak them in.

It's been a long, busy & eventful month for us Wexelberg's and a month since I last wrote an update on how Mark and the Wexelberg clan are doing! So, on this here day of freedom, I thought I'd take some time to reflect on these last few weeks as they've brought more freedom to our lives as well.

We were off to a running, errrr, walking,...ummm, actually...a STANDING start the first week of June, when I posted the picture of Mark with a big ol' smile, standing with his walker for the first time in two months! What an amazing victory. What we did not realize was that this victory would continue to come in baby steps, not giant leaps! But it's been great!

As the last weeks have progressed, Mark has had some great days and a few really tough days. Usually, the tough days follow the really, REALLY great days, because we are so excited that the day is going so great that we probably do TOO many things! But, according to Mark, the good days, which keep getting progressively better, are the days that make him excited and hopeful for the continued road of recovery. Marks attitude and spirit continue to amaze and inspire me and make it easy to love & serve him and work with him toward wholeness.

As for the home front, in the last month we have also relocated from my Mom's house (for those of you just now joining this broadcast, we had sold our house, in preparation for moving, when Mark had his accident. So, everything went into storage and we stayed with my Mom for about 7 weeks), and we rented and moved into a handicap accessible home up in Fort Collins for the time being. We found it on Craig's List, as we perused the rental listings, and it couldn't have been better timing! Because Mark is still in his wheelchair a great deal of the time, it makes it really nice for him to be able to get around to every portion of the house, out the front door and back patio without being lifted. We are grateful for this provision! And we're still close to all his Dr's as well, which is great.

As for Mark's rehab process...it is going really well. He has progressed from having physical therapy at home to beginning outpatient therapy beginning next week. His surgeon has an office in Fort Collins (The Orthopaedic Center of the Rockies) and they have pool therapy! (no, not billiards! An actual swimming pool! Ha!) So, Mark's going to begin that in a week, probably about three times per week. This will help him strengthen all the muscles that have atrophied, without putting so much pressure on his joints, which is part of what wears him out so much when he is up.

Speaking of "up!"...Mark is able to get up several times a day and take walks around the house with his walker. He stands up as much as he can in the shower and while he shaves, and has walked to the car with his walker several times. Our new favorite outing is going to Wal-Mart near us. While Mark and Christian wait in the car, I go in and get the electric cart and ride it out to him and then he rides it around the store with Christian sitting with him, while we grocery shop. Yes, life is simple right now, and I'm loving it, actually. And for those of you who know how I feel about Wal-Mart, you know the fact that I'm bonding with it is a feat in and of itself. But we won't get into that right now... :)

We had another appointment with Dr. Rusnak - Mark's surgeon - last Monday, and it was terrific. They did x-rays, like they do every time, and everything is healing perfectly! PRAISE GOD! Even a spot Dr. R. was concerned with last time is showing major healing, so we are super grateful. Dr. Rusnak said that Mark seems to be 2 or 3 months AHEAD in his speed of recovery, so that's awesome news too. All of this is encouraging for Mark to hear, especially on the days he feels like he's moving at a snail's pace and feels stiff as a board.

The cutest thing that happened recently was when, after we moved out of my Mom's, my Grandma came home to my Mom's house once again. (My Grandma had gone to visit her other daughter in Flagstaff while Mark used her bedroom at my Mom's house). We came over to visit and my Grandma got up with her walker and Mark walked up the ramp with his walker and they hugged and kissed side by side in their walkers. THE cutest moment EVER! My Mom and I weren't sure whether to laugh or to cry, so we did both! (I've attached a picture, just to prove how cute it was...) My Grandma is 94 and she is such a sweetie. I thank God for her!

Anyway....all THAT to say, the Wexelberg's are doing well. Christian is doing awesome and enjoying having Daddy come back to life a day at a time! I am enjoying the ability to "nest" again, and the chance to be able to go in my own little space downstairs and write! YES! This house is a ranch, but has ONE finished bedroom downstairs, which is perfect for a songwriting & worship nook. I'm slated to begin recording a new worship project in the Fall, so this chic needs to be receiving some serious songs from the Lord! You can pray for me for that too!

The best part of all of this is how much grace has covered this season of our lives. It's hard to explain, but I know you all know what I'm talking about. "His grace is sufficient..." "His strength is made perfect in our weakness..." Not IN SPITE OF our weakness, but BECAUSE OF our weakness. Now, that should make the front page news! These are not empty promises! There is something supernatural that occurs when we surrender and just allow Him the room to pour His grace and strength into us, confessing our weakness and dependence. His Spirit comes...and there is liberty and freedom in the face of incredible dependence. I LOVE THAT!

So, on this Day of Freedom, let's celebrate the freedom we have found in the act of surrendering to Jesus Christ - in knowing that He will fight for us, He will complete the work He has begun in us, and He will NEVER abandon the work of His hands. Now that's something to shout about! And if you haven't surrendered to Him yet, do it today and let the fireworks begin!

Happy Freedom Day!
Love and blessings to you from us,
Shannon

UP!

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:36:54 CDT

Hello Family & Friends!

I simply cannot sleep tonight, so I thought I'd do something useful and give a "Mark update." It's been a while since I last wrote, and a LOT has happened since then!

Last night, Mark and I took Christian to the movie "Up" and we LOVED it. I cried like a baby several times and I rarely ever do that with animation. But something about this movie was magical, yet so poignant, and it absolutely tugged at my heartstrings. One line that the little boy "Russell" said in the movie, after describing to his friend some special times he used to have with his Dad sitting on the curb, was..."I know that sounds really boring, but it's the boring times that I remember the most."

And so it is with "life." From an outside perspective, things may look pretty boring - trudging through rehab after a serious accident sure doesn't sound like a thrill ride - but I imagine that one day we will describe these times the same way "Russell" did in the movie..."I know it sounds boring, but it's the boring times I remember the most." Perhaps some of the sweetest. Just doing life with one another. The moments we see God faithfully trudge through life with us, as we trudge through it together.

Well, that is not the reason I used the movie "UP!" as the title for my note. But it is because of a much more exciting reason! Up until last Monday, Mark was told by his surgeon to do absolutely NO weight bearing. So, for the last 10 weeks we have been "waiting" as Mark transferred from bed to wheelchair, etc... But last Monday we had another follow-up with Dr. Rusnak (Mark's surgeon) and they did another full set of x-rays from pelvis to ankle, and Dr. Rusnak told Mark that he could begin some partial weight bearing, using a walker, beginning last Monday. HOORAY! Thank You, Lord!

So, of course, we got the walker out as soon as we got home. Who wouldn't? I don't know what we were expecting, but after two months of muscles atrophying (other than some in bed physical therapy and all the moving around he did), it's not like Mark can jump up and start walking. But he did get "UP!" (hence the title of my note) UP on BOTH FEET! Standing with the walker in an upright position. It was exciting and signified the next phase of his recovery, for which we are incredibly grateful. Another testimony to God's faithfulness.

So now's the fun, but tough part. Mark will do physical therapy with a therapist three times a week for now, from home. And on the off days, we will be doing a lot of exercises on our own. It will likely be a couple more weeks before Mark is able to actually walk with the walker. I'm not really sure, but the therapist seemed to think that there was a lot of strengthening & renewed flexibility that has to occur before Mark will really be able to get around with the walker. Mark is a HARD worker and, of course, he can taste freedom just around the corner, so he's really motivated. Another big blessing is that he is off ALL his prescription pain medications. He just takes Tylenol or Ibuprofen as needed as has virtually no pain. Praise God...surely an answer to prayer.

If you could pray for anything right now, it would be for patience and strength for all of us and continued healing for Mark. The CT Scan on the ankle came back and all was well, which is a great praise report! Nothing is healing "bowed" and it looks really good. The other injury and surgery sites are looking great too - the bone is forming like it should be and the alignment and joints where there was damage and subsequent surgery are looking just like they are supposed to look. There's just one spot that isn't showing the healing the Dr. would like to see and that is the spot of the bone in the ankle that the Doctor actually had to SAW INTO in order to get to the spot he had to repair! Guess the "man-made" breaks don't heal as efficiently, and this is pretty typical. So, if you could pray for that to mend and heal, I would covet your prayers. The healing of the ankle is critical, because it affects circulation to the foot down the road, which, as you can imagine, is important for the simple act of walking.

As for the Wexelberg clan, as a whole, we are doing really well. We've been enjoying Summer as much as we can, even though we are somewhat homebound. Christian has been going to a fun kid's Summer program at Immanuel Church close to us and he is having a blast. The first day all the kids got to bring their water guns and Super Soakers for an all-out water frenzy out on the playground, so he was pretty psyched about that! What boy wouldn't be? Next week he has Vacation Bible School at Resurrection Fellowship, where he goes to preschool during the school year. We've been having lots of fun taking Daddy on walks on the trails around here, while Christian rides his bike. And we bought a kite the other day that we're going to take out for a spin in the next few days. All is well because our God is faithful to care for us. He neither slumbers nor sleeps and watches over each detail of our lives - even the ones that feel absolutely random or out of control. It is good to be in His hands.

There is a lot more I could share, but I know you have more to do than read a Wexelberg update! :) I thank you for your prayers and for being such dear friends and family. The knowledge of your love and support has helped carry us through this trying time and will continue to do so. We have a long road ahead this year, but it is a road our Savior has walked before us, so we have nothing to fear.

Love & blessings to each of you! Let's all keep looking "UP!"

Shannon

Faithful from every angle...

Mon, 18 May 2009 16:00:09 CDT

Greetings this fine Sunday afternoon!

I've had people saying to me this week..."Hey, Shannon! It's been a while since your last update...when's it comin'?" I must say that my schedule as a nurse has been plum full lately! :) Ha! Actually, I've needed and wanted to do an update for some time, but life has been crazy busy this last week or so...full of good stuff, but busy nonetheless.

On Thursday, May 7th, we celebrated Mark's birthday, and what a celebration it was. Not that it was elaborate. Actually, it was quite simple and understated right here at home. We grilled salmon & ate asparagus on the back porch and enjoyed THE best chocolate torte from Schmidt's Bakery here in Loveland. YUMMY!!!!!!!! And we praised God in an extra special way for the fact that my sweet hubby was around to celebrate his special day. "Thank you!" to each of you who sent him a special birthday note, either via Facebook or e-mail. He has them all in a special little book (that his dorky, organizational wife made for him) that also contains his x-rays, other prayers, cards and special notes.

On Monday, May 11th (following a very special Mother's Day with my Mom, step-Dad & my guys on Sunday), we took another trip to the surgeon's office for a check-up. They did some more x-rays to check the progression of the healing, and then we met with the surgeon for a while. Dr. Rusnak said that things are progressing well, but that he is keeping an eye on the left knee, in particular, because these types of injuries tend to want to heal kind of "bowed." We are going to the hospital for a CT Scan tomorrow morning so Dr. Rusnak can get a closer look at it. If you would agree with us in prayer that the knee would heal STRAIGHT and align properly, and that the bones would not begin to bow at all. If it did heal improperly, it would mean more surgery ( and obviously another healing process), in order to avoid arthritis in that knee and ankle later in life. Please agree with us for perfect healing for the knee, if you would!

The other injuries are healing well. Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made! It's really neat to look at the x-rays and to actually be able to see the bone reforming before our very eyes, particularly in the femurs, where the breaks are so severe. God is SO COOL!!!! What a creative and amazing physician He is. Dr. Rusnak is still amazed at how little pain medication Mark is taking, as well as how positive and peppy he is (the light of Jesus shining through him, no doubt). So, hooray for that! Answers to prayer, all around.

From a timing perspective, Dr. Rusnak told Mark that he will continue to be NON-weight bearing for another 4 weeks, at which time he may be allowed to begin putting weight on the right leg (ankle injury side), using a walker or perhaps some crutches. So, we're pretty excited about that adventure coming up! I'm not sure when he'll be cleared to weight bear some on the left leg, but I think Dr. Rusnak wants to keep an eye on that knee a bit more first.

As for me, I took my first "out of town" adventure in a long while, when I traveled down to Colorado Springs with my friend Kris to minister at "Still Waters for Her" at Woodmen Valley Chapel last Tuesday night. I've been leading worship there the last couple of years, but this is the first time for me to SPEAK at Still Waters (actually, I led worship, spoke and sang...nope, didn't juggle though). I felt God's presence, grace and strength in a mighty way (I was nervous, especially because I've been mentally pretty taxed lately) and it was a special time with these precious ladies that I've grown to love so dearly. The theme, which was set last year sometime, was "the faithfulness of God." It couldn't have been more appropriate, as I was able to not only share our story of infertility and adoption, but also the recent chapters of Mark's accident and how I continue to marvel at God's faithfulness!! In fact, the Scripture I chose for the inside of the program for Still Waters was from Psalms 89, which says:

"Your love, God, is my song, and I'll sing it! I'm forever telling everyone how faithful You are. I'll never quit telling the story of Your love - how You built the cosmos and guaranteed everything in it. Your love has always been our lives' foundation. Your fidelity has been the roof over our world...God! Let the cosmos praise Your wonderful ways, the choir of holy angels sing anthems to Your faithful ways! Search high and low, scan skies and land, You'll find nothing and no one quite like God. The holy angels are in awe before Him; He looms immense and august over everyone around Him. God of the Angel Armies, who is like You? You are powerful and faithful from every angle!" (The Message)

I LOVE that last line. "God of the Angel Armies, who is like You? You are powerful and faithful from EVERY ANGLE!" I am convinced today, more than ever before, that NO MATTER what situation or circumstance we find ourselves in, when we turn our eyes upon Jesus and look HIS direction, we will see His faithfulness. Faithfulness surrounds Him on all sides and there is no angle from which He is any less faithful. But I think we can miss it, if we're not looking for it - if we're staring at ourselves and our problems. When we gaze upon Him through the lens of worship and gratefulness, it is then we are able to discover & see His faithfulness more clearly and we'll begin to be able to identify His faithful ways. That doesn't mean everything in our lives suddenly makes sense - it probably won't - but every promise He's ever made about who He is and who we are in Him is "yes and AMEN" in Christ Jesus. We need only rest in that and keep looking His way. He is 100% faithful.

Thank you for your continued prayers as Mark, Christian and I tackle each new chapter of this journey together. If there are ways we can be praying for you, please let us know as well. We feel a deep sense that God is doing a new thing in our family. We're really not sure what that is yet, but I received a card in the mail recently with a Scripture written inside that sums it up. It is for all of us who are Christ-followers, and especially for those who might find ourselves staring into the "unknown."

"In paths they do not know, I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do. I will not leave them undone." (Isaiah 42:16)

May the God of peace cause every heart who knows Him to rest in the knowledge that HE is is faithful. King of the Angel Armies. Faithful from every angle.

Love to you all,
Shannon

Mark's first week home...

Sat, 02 May 2009 11:32:22 CDT

Hey there friends & family,

I actually sat down yesterday morning and wrote a nice, detailed update on all things "Wexelberg," only to have Facebook eat it! The nerve! By the time that happened, my "spare time" was spent, so I closed the ol' laptop and started the day. So, I'm going to try again tonight, hoping Facebook isn't hungry again. :)

It's been a wild ride this last 10 days, since Mark came home from the hospital! I shared with you the story of his first day home - the crazy lift not working, the Sponge Bob bedding, and the Nurse Bob visit. I continue to stand amazed at God's gracious hand in all of this, and I want to share a little bit about how Mark's been doing this last week or so.

First, after 3 days home, Mark was able to wean himself off of the lift - finally feeling like his scapula and flailed chest were coming around enough to do the transfers with the slide board instead. Can we say "hallelujah?" Yes, this victory which seems so small actually saves us about 15 minutes per transfer and enables Mark much more independence while he waits for permission to use his legs again! BIG, HUGE BLESSING!

That same day Mark got to take his very first REAL shower in a month. I'm certain he must've felt like a brand new man! My Mom, whose home is handicapped accessible, has a wheel-in shower, and it worked perfectly! So, hooray for showers! It's the little things that mean a lot.

Then, this last Monday Mark had his first trip in the car. We didn't intend on taking the car, but we soon discovered that finding handicapped accessible transportation is not as easy as calling a shuttle to the airport. So, in a last ditch effort to make Mark's appointment with the surgeon, we decided to give it a try. Whallah! Mark was able to transfer with the slide board from his wheelchair into our car. It wasn't easy, but another victory!

His appointment with the orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Rusnak, went great that day. It lasted almost three hours, which was a bit much for Mark. But he got his cast off the leg with the dislocated and fractured ankle, and they put a removable boot on it instead. He also got a whole new set of x-rays done - not a fun process, but necessary to keep tabs on his progress. And then we had a really good meeting with his surgeon, who was very patient, detailed and informative. He said the healing process seems to be going perfectly. He's keeping a careful watch on the knee and the ankle yet. (the femurs and pelvis usually heal, no problem) He said we should be past the point of being concerned about infection in the knee, where the open fracture was. But he said he's keeping an eye on it for shifting bone, which he noted a bit. Very minute (two millimeters), but something to watch. He said the ankle is looking good and healthy, but we'll continue to watch that over the course of the next 6 to 9 months, in order to keep an eye on the health of the tissue surrounding the area that was dislocated. Definitely something to continue to pray about, if you would!

Dr. Rusnak was amazed at how well Mark is doing. He was stunned at how little pain meds Mark is taking. And Mark isn't trying to be a tough guy, trying to get by on fewer drugs. His pain has truly been managed by a third of the pain medication the Dr. prescribed. The surgeon said that many people with lesser injuries than Mark often take much more medication than Mark is taking even at the four month mark. And Mark's only a month into this. So, we consider this a GREAT answer to prayer, because there is no other explanation. We have another post-op appointment in 2 weeks and pray for more great reports.

Mark and I have had some great times of connection since he's come home. We're able to chat in the evenings once I put Christian down to bed, and it's been a sweet time. He's doing a lot of reflection now, a lot of thanking God, and a lot of praying about what God has next. He has shared with me that he remembers the accident - remembers the girl's truck running right in front of him, when she ran the stop sign, remembers the impact and landing on the ground knowing his legs were really mangled. He remembers people above him telling him not to move, and the young girl who ran the stop sign sobbing and crying nearby. (she was uninjured, thankfully)

Tonight he shared with me that he remembers the immense feeling of vulnerability in the hospital and how he kept apologizing to all the nurses in the ICU for all the duties they had to perform for him. He felt like he was imposing on them and kept saying how sorry he was. Finally, one nurse told him..."Mark, you need to stop saying you're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. We know your condition, we see your brokenness and that is why we are here. Please, don't feel ashamed that you are in great need. Just let us help you."

Mark said that at the moment the nurse spoke those words, he was able to rest and release his sense of shame and receive the care that he so needed. God showed him that this is the same posture with which we so often approach the Lord. We don't want to feel vulnerable. We don't want to admit our brokenness or our utter desperation. We apologize for coming to Him mangled and so messed up, with a whole litany of needs, or we don't come at all. We feel ashamed and pitiful. But God says and wants us to hear, "Child, I know Your condition. I see Your brokenness and I'm fully aware of your sinful state. I know you are in desperate need of me and that is why I am here. That is why I died. Please do not feel ashamed in my presence or embarrassed by what I must accomplish on your behalf. Rest. And just let me help you..."

I love that. Don't we so often come to the Lord with our Sunday best on? No stains on our clothes, freshly repented, prayed up, great attitude and our shoes shined. Somehow we feel worthy of His love in that moment - as if we have it all together. But all we can really show for ourselves are filthy rags - the rest is an illusion. And He says to us..."Just let me help you..."

"O, great God. How we do need you...every day, every hour, every moment. Sweet Savior, I will not be ashamed and try to conceal my lowly state....for that is why You came. So, I spread out my brokenness before You, knowing You alone can bring healing and make sense of the pieces of my life. I love You, my Savior..."

-Shannon

Home

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:34:14 CDT

Hello All! My guys (Christian & Mark) are down for a nap, and before I do the same, I thought I'd give you an update from the Wexelberg home front.

As I awakened this morning, I Peter 1: 6-9 quickly leapt off the pages of my Bible and into my heart. I have always loved this Scripture, but this morning it came alive in a special way. Here it is...

"In this you GREATLY rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

On Tuesday afternoon, Mark came home from the hospital! Hooray! What a relief for him and for us to have him home (my Mom's house, that is). There's no place like home, really. For most people, it is a place of refuge, comfort & familiarity. He slept better the last two nights than he has the whole month in the hospital (no surprise there with all the pokes and prods and noises). We got all his RX's filled and his equipment delivered on Tuesday morning and afternoon, which was a major endeavor in and of itself! The guys from the healthcare equipment company (who shall remain nameless!) spent over THREE hours (yes, I said three hours) trying to get the lift to work - the one that puts Mark in the big sling and lifts him from destination to destination, until he has more than one working limb. I was the guinea pig, and was hanging in the sling myself as they experimented with how in the world it was supposed to work. (aren't they supposed to know?) It was laughable for about the first hour and a half. Then, this wife (that would be me), who knew her husband was in the van on the way home, was not GREATLY REJOICING - as I Peter 1 mentions I should. :) But at long last, after they called in reinforcements from headquarters, the three of them got it figured out, and I & Mark survived the incident unscathed. :) At that moment a "Hallelujah" rang out from West Loveland! (& my Mom continues to sing the old Easter hymn, "Up from the Grave He Arose!" every time Mark goes up in the lift. She is a living soundtrack. :)

Yesterday, Mark's assigned nurse came to visit. His name is Bob. Nurse Bob said, when he read the notes on Mark's case prior to coming, he told his supervisor, "I don't think I want to have this patient - his injuries are too much work!" (he was kidding, kind of) Mark had a list of 20 injuries, and Bob said they rarely ever see anyone with this many injuries. For most patients, it's a broken hip or at most a few broken bones or incisions from a surgery. Nevertheless, Bob bravely came and after assessing Mark and talking with us, he said, "Mark, you are WAY better in person than you look on paper!" And by the end of the visit, he determined that Mark does not even need a nurse to come in on a regular basis. He was so pleased with Mark's overall condition and care! Praise GOD!

When Bob said that Mark is "way better in person than on paper" and that they rarely ever see all these injuries in one person, I thought of two things immediately. First, I thought of the miracle that God performed on Mark's behalf by sparing and protecting Mark in this accident. (I think the reason they rarely see all these injuries in one person is probably because, generally speaking, the person would not have normally survived). So, we "greatly rejoiced" that Mark is a living testimony to the grace of God and that he lived and will live to tell of the salvation of God!

The second thing I thought when Nurse Bob said that Mark looked "way better in person than on paper" was a bit of a stretch when it comes to parallels. But my mind went there nevertheless, when he said it. The Scripture I mentioned earlier says, "though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and even though you do not see Him now, you are filled with an inexpressible joy..." I can not help but venture to say that our God is incredibly amazing "on paper" (the Word of God experienced and expressed in & through our earthly lives). He is living and moving, precious & powerful, & intimately involved in our lives through the power of the Holy Spirit. But can you imagine with me the joy and amazement we will experience when, at long last, we behold Him face to face - not "unseen" but "seen"? No longer will we see through a glass dimly. No longer we will have the limp of life to contend with. No longer will we sift through the hazy fog of our circumstances and trials. But we shall behold Him IN PERSON and I know we will be floored!

I don't draw this parallel to diminish in any way the wonder of God's Word or His complete power in our lives today in the here and now. But I draw the parallel because it is WE who are limited and WE who are "injured" and WE who see dimly now. The fact that we see this way does not make God any less amazing, it just means that we can not fully absorb how amazing He is until we bow before Him one day - our interpretations of Him finally cast aside - worshipping at His feet. WAY BETTER IN PERSON!!!! We will be HOME!

Well, until then, today is another day here on this earth and I want to GREATLY rejoice. Lord, help me! Help us! Not a wimpy rejoicing. Not a "when I feel like it" rejoicing. But a rejoicing that comes from deep within because each of us who follow Jesus Christ are "receiving the goal of our faith - the salvation of our souls!" with every trial we face. I want to be proved "genuine." Praise His wonderful name! So, as we begin the in-home rehab & occupational therapy and we both want to scream in moments of frustration or exhaustion (I had one of those moments last night already!), if we can press into Christ as we face these trials, (& as you face your own), we are receiving great treasure that will last. Hooray!

Oh, and on a completely silly note, I also wanted to share with you the bedding that awaited Mark on his twin hospital bed when he arrived home. (photo included) "Today is the BEST DAY EVER!" And it is.

WIth love and ramblings & great thanks to God and to you for your prayers!
Shannon

New Vision

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 18:32:23 CDT

Hello All!
Oh, I pray this weekend has enabled each one of you to get some rest & helped to renew your focus once again for the week to come. It did me, and while it was wall to wall busy, I was able to pause and reflect on God's mercies, new again each morning.

Three weeks ago today was the afternoon of Mark's accident. In some ways it feels like much longer than that, but in many ways it feels like yesterday. Mark said today that, in some ways, it feels like a dream he hasn't awakened from yet. I think this week was really the first week that we got through "crisis mode" and actually got to absorb the impact of what actually happened, as well as what didn't happen. We both looked at each other this afternoon so grateful that our family is still intact, that his life was spared, and that his head and spine were not affected. Had the girl run the stop sign a half second later, Mark probably would not have survived. Even still, it is a miracle he is with us today. I have dear, dear Godly friends whose stories did not end the same way - who were left planning memorial services, rather than planning a way to get their husband from his bed to a wheelchair while he recovers. My heart aches for the path they have walked, and yet I have seen God's faithfulness shining in their lives as well. It's the stuff of life that we'll never understand this side of heaven, as well as the very stuff of life that makes us cling to Him more tightly and transforms our vision. No matter what we face - past, present or future - He surrounds us.

I don't know if you're like me, but I often save favorite cards, notes, & e-mails from friends or family members - the ones that are especially encouraging or that made me smile or cry a good cry. I've also been known to save certain voice mails Mark leaves me, until I'm forced to delete them due to lack of space on my cell phone. Occasionally, I've saved voice mails from my Mom or Dad just because I wonder if I would forget their voice, if they were suddenly gone. Weird, maybe...but it's just me. Yesterday, I was driving to the hospital, when I realized how much I love to listen to Mark's voice and how I did not have any saved voicemails on my phone any more. I don't know why, but it hit me hard alone in my car, and I started to sob. (it also gave me some great ideas for a great country song lyric) Those things that we so often take for granted - the sound of a loved one's voice, the way they say your name, even the things that normally might bug you - they all become irreplaceable and cherished when the idea of them being gone is considered.

I'm not trying to be melancholy or overly introspective, but in light of the deep gratefulness we feel, these emotions are flooding us as well. Also, the reality that our life truly is like a vapor. I've always been one that wants to make life count, but even more so now, Mark and I feel the weightiness and wooing of God's Spirit upon our lives. We want to hear Him, wait for Him, just be with Him, and know we are living, breathing sacrifices...not holding back for the sake of comfort or convenience. I've always had that desire, but it burns more brightly now.

OK, OK...I didn't mean to ramble on so and really want to give you an update on Mark's physical condition as well. So, here goes!

Mark is scheduled to come home on Tuesday or Wednesday of this week. He will have a hospital bed, a lift, a wheelchair, and other miscellaneous equipment delivered to my Mom's house, where we are staying, and we will become the hospital away from the hospital! I am feeling pretty good about things overall. I'm super excited to have him home with me and Christian, able to be close and also enjoy the great outdoors that surrounds my Mom's home. They live right at the base of the mountains, just down the way from Estes Park, so it's a beautiful area. They have a nice deck and lots of trails, so if I can manage the wheelchair out there, I am envisioning lots of nice walks.

He has 6 more weeks of non-weight bearing therapy and healing time. So, this is really going to be the most challenging period of time, in that, he can't put weight on his feet at all! So, we will utilize the lift, and then when his broken ribs and scapula heal up a bit more, he'll be able to use the slide board. Then after 6 weeks, he'll progress to some limited weight-bearing with a walker, as tolerated. He's very motivated and has a great attitude, so I anticipate he may progress more quickly than expected. At least that's my hope! :)

So, if you could be praying about anything, it would be this next transition home. This is brand new to us, and while I've learned a lot by observation in the hospital, it's a big learning curve. I definitely need an extra measure of strength, wisdom and patience, as will Mark! Thankfully, my Mom is here, so she can help when needed. I am grateful for that BIG time! You can also continue to be praying for Mark's right ankle. Obviously, Mark's whole body is still in the healing process, but the ankle is probably the most critical injury at this point, as far as really having to keep an eye on it for circulation and health of the tissue. Thank you for agreeing with us that he will require no more surgery and that everything will mend back together perfectly as it heals, enabling proper blood flow to all the tissues.

You know, growing up, before I realized I was called to music ministry, I wanted to be either a veterinarian or a nurse. One of my best friends in 3rd grade and I used to go to a vet's office after school each day and our job was to pet the animals. Yep, we were the official animal petters. OK, so now I get to do the nurse part, at least for a few months! Should be quite an adventure. Seriously, life with God is always an adventure. Discovering who He is on each new page of our journey is pretty amazing, dontcha think? With each trial we face we begin to experience a deeper knowledge of just how deep and how wide the love of Christ is. Oh, how He loves us. Really truly loves us. And we begin to have our hearts expanded. We begin to feel deeper compassion and love for those who have walked, are walking or will walk a similar journey. We will be able to comfort others with the comfort we have been given. We serve an amazing God and He is love itself. Love at its very deepest, purest, fullest & richest. Ponder that anew tonight....

Thanks for letting me ramble. There's a lot of processing going on in this heart o' mine.
Blessings, dear ones,
Shannon

Happy Tax Day and Mark update...

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 10:04:01 CDT

Good morning ya'll!
And happy tax day to you! Actually, it's also my birthday today, so I figure it can't be ALL bad! They say (not sure who, but someone did) that the two things that are certain in life are "death and taxes." But on this April 15th, I am certain of the faithfulness of the Living God. He is faithful in the valley of the shadow of death and in every other moment we could ever imagine, along with those we can't imagine. He is the ONE who rules and reigns over all things and holds us in the palm of His hand. Nothing can pluck us out. We belong to Him, if we have surrendered our hearts and lives to the Savior. Now, I'd say that is something to celebrate this fine Tax Day - the certainly of His faithfulness. :)

I realized yesterday that it had been quite some time since I had written an update on Mark, let alone journaled for myself. So, I figured this morning was the perfect time - before the sun rises and I hear little feet pitter-pattering. To say it's been a "wild ride" the last few weeks would be putting it mildly!

This last Saturday, Mark got transferred from the Medical Center of the Rockies in Loveland, CO to Northern Colorado Medical Center in Greeley, CO to begin the rehab portion of his hospital stay. Last Saturday just happened to be the day that we were scheduled to move out of our house as well! (the new folks move in today!) So, let's just say it was a big moving day in general! After Mark spending about 4 days in his regular hospital room in Loveland following 9 or 10 in ICU, they told us Saturday morning that he would be moved THAT day to Greeley! Surprise!

So, I headed to my house to meet the moving team and get them going, and then got the call about an hour later that the ambulance would be arriving to pick Mark up and shuttle him over to Greeley at 11:30 AM Saturday. So...I got back to his room around 10:30 to pack up all his stuff, cards, plants, flowers, misc. junk, and wheeled them down to our car. Guess they don't want all that stuff in the ambulance jostling around. :) Ha! And I followed the ambulance over to Greeley to get him all set up there.

Thankfully, in the mean time, Mark's friend John was already at our house supervising the move, as I galavanted around town chasing ambulances, as I never made it back to our house. So, pretty much our entire house is now stored in a 10 x 30ish storage space somewhere in Loveland, CO. It is in that moment you realize just how very little "stuff" you really need to get by. Brings a little perspective, I think.

Anyway...so, I got Mark settled there and spent the day with him in his new digs. The staff there are very, very sweet and extremely helpful and we've had some real breakthroughs even since arriving there.

Mark began his physical therapy and occupational therapy right away that day. No time to just lay around! About four times each day he has therapy, whether it be actual strengthening and movement exercises or learning how to get from here to there. (reminds me of an old Sesame Street song..."how do you get from here to there? What do you do?" Remember that one?) I digress...(hey, it's early!) Anyway, he's doing great and each day he is feeling a bit stronger and a bit more flexible at the various sites where he now has LOTS of metal implanted and screwed into his body.

Because he only has one "good limb" at this point (due to the obvious injuries to both legs, plus the flailed chest and broken scapula), it's tough doing the transfers they are wanting him to do at this point. So, they've been using a lift, which is pretty funny. He's wrapped and strapped into this huge green nylon sling, which makes him look like a big pea pod, and then is lifted by a machine into whatever spot they want him. Hopefully, in a couple more weeks things will heal up on that arm/side, so he can scoot himself around on the slide boards, so he's not to be confused with a food group.

So...now comes the tough part, I think. Coming home. They are saying possibly one week from yesterday Mark will come home! It will be an INCREDIBLE thing to have my man home, and I count the days. I can take him on walks on the trails near my Mom's house, sit out on the patio and enjoy the mountains. At the same time, it is overwhelming imagining being able to care for him in a way that meets his needs and doesn't make us both wind up back in rehab! :) (can they do two to a room?) But I trust the Lord with that, as well as those who will train me on all the equipment and various things we'll be doing. And, they do plan to have a home health aide as well as therapists come in several times a week, as well, which will help in the interim.

With regard to how you can help, there are definitely a few things to pray for at this point in recovery. First and foremost, continued healing! Also, pray for a quick recovery and renewed strength, as he does the therapy. Pray for Mark, as he has struggled to sleep well since he woke up from his third surgery. It's hard to sleep on your back for the entire night, especially if you struggle with any sleep issues to begin with. So, we would love continued prayer for his sleep to be sweet. Mark has an extremely positive and patient attitude and his pain has been very well-managed, so this is a major praise report. Also, he has shown no signs of infection where the open fracture was at the knee, and is also showing great circulation in his feet as well, which was a concern. (the circulation will continue to be watched over the next 6 or 9 months) I can tell he is mentally tired, and of course the meds don't help with that, nor does sleep deprivation, so I pray that his mind and heart might be refreshed and invigorated as well.

As for me, you can pray for sanity! :) Not really, but you can pray for mental and emotional peace, as I trust the Lord with all the details of how life will look. I am a detailed person and generally like to have all my ducks in a row. Well, you just really have to completely let go when something like this happens, which is actually good for me! But, it's not easy. Working through getting us moved, juggling schedules with Christian, making sure Mark has an advocate and his wife by his side, along with all the other stuff of life, has left this girl a bit frazzled and dare I say a bit grumpy from time to time. :)

I know whenever God allows us to walk through these valleys, it is not wasted time. There are always purposes that are woven throughout the journey and I SO trust Him with that. So many times, when we are facing a trial, we see it as a "hang-up" or a "delay" - stopping us from getting to the really good stuff of our destiny. I've changed my opinion over the years. I believe God is as much "in the waiting" seasons and in the every day challenges of our lives, as He is in what we would consider the mountain-tops. And so, in my heart, while I do want this season to be passed in many ways (I don't want my husband in pain and unable to get around, and be away from us, etc...), I also want to savor it. Not savor the pain, but savor who GOD is to us in the midst of the pain. I don't want to miss that. Lord, help me.

Well, anyway. It's time to get up, get going and get this fine day underway. I pray you have a wonderful day, trusting God as your ultimate provision in every area of your life. His grace is and will continue to be sufficient for US! Thank you for your continued prayers!!!!

Love & tax day blessings,
Shannon

How Great is Our God...

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:05:09 CDT

Good afternoon, beloved sons and daughters of God!

God has been SOOOOOO gracious to us, and with each passing day I see His mercies more and more. I know His mercies are ALWAYS new every morning, but for some reason, in the midst of a great trial, I am so much more observant of them. Each of His attributes come more alive as I have become so keenly aware of my (our) need for Him. Again, I "know" this in my "knower" but when the rubber meets the road, His promises prove true again and again and again.

The last time I posted I was in an absolute state of exhaustion, as was Mark. But since that very difficult, dark night, I have continued to see God's grace and intervention in a mighty way on Mark's (& my) behalf.

Lots of amazing things have happened both inside and outside of the hospital. First, as of two days ago, Mark is now in a regular hospital room. We've been on quite a few field trips in the therapy chair. They even have a 5th floor atrium that lets you breathe the fresh Colorado air. So, we've visited up there several times, enjoying the views of the Front Range. Mark also got one of his wraps off one of his legs and got a brace on that one. He feels much more "free." Soon, they will take the sutures & staples out, at least out of his femurs and pelvis incisions. He has been doing some physical therapy each day and is an eager beaver when it comes to working hard and wanting to progress. Yesterday he got his hair washed FOR THE FIRST TIME in ELEVEN DAYS. Can we say "hallelujah?" I mean, he had his hair sort of washed with some "dry" shampoo or with a wet wipe last week, but one of the nurse's aids actually washed his hair yesterday over an inflatable tub with actual H20. Talk about refreshing!

Speaking of refreshing, we have each been getting wonderful, refreshing amounts of sleep since that very tiresome, agonizing evening three nights ago. It seems the meds are figured out and Mark has been much clearer mentally. "Thanks be to God!" And, of course, I and Christian have been sleeping at home, so we're good!

But I think one of the most exciting things to see is that Mark is excited (as am I) about how God is going to use this in his life and in the life of our family. He isn't asking "why" or questioning God whatsoever, but is entirely confident that God is and will continue to use this in our lives. I can already see God working in our hearts, softening with oil the places that may have grown hardened. That is the most gracious gift of all.

Some of our best and dearest friends, Jim and Kris Dunlap, have absolutely, positively cared for us and laid down their lives for us the last two weeks. Kris works at Resurrection Fellowship, where Christian goes to preschool, so she would help shuttle him back and forth, as they lived out of suitcases at our home since the night of the accident. What a gift of friendship! They have done countless things, without me even thinking to ask, in order to make this season as stress-free as possible in a practical sense. Thank you, Jim and Kris!

Another crazy aspect of this season of our lives is that we had just sold our home and the people who purchased it are scheduled to move in April 15th! So, in the midst of Mark's accident, we had an impending "move date." A friend of Mark's from Group Publishing (John Carter) coordinated a team of about 15 people to help us finish packing, and move the stuff we needed to my Mom's last night. And he has also coordinated a moving company to put the rest of our "house" in storage this Saturday! God's provision BIG time! As a result of everything that's happened, I and Christian are moving in with my Mom and Step-Dad (who happen to have a handicapped accessible home) as of Friday night while Mark is in rehab. Then, when Mark is out, we will stay there until he is doing well enough to consider us finding a place of our own. Again, the timing is so clearly God's provision, because now that Mark is not working, we will not have to worry about a mortgage payment. We will continue to pray and seek the Lord for the next chapter of our lives, as this chapter continues to be written. "Have Your way, Lord! You are the Potter, we are the clay!"

One last thing I wanted to share was the Christian got to see Mark for the first time this morning! It went awesome! His favorite babysitter, Jene,' took him to Build-a-Bear last night and they made a bear for Daddy. I've prepped Christian all along about Daddy's legs and how the Doctors are fixing him, and how Daddy has to wear a really funny gown while he stays at the hospital. So, when we got there, he wasn't upset at all to see Daddy with casts on his legs or anything. He was thrilled to see him, but definitely cried when we had to leave. We are going back tonight as well. So, praise God and THANK YOU for praying for his little heart. I pray for God's continued grace as we walk the road of rehab for the next several months.

I never sent out any pictures of Mark, when he first got in the accident, but I think it's appropriate now to show the contrast between DAY 1 (the day of the accident) and DAY 12 (this morning). And I want to say "HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!" His love endures forever and ever and ever and ever and ever...

Welp, I need to go pick up Christian from preschool now, then we're off to the hospital to meet my Mom, Step-Dad and Grandma at the hospital for a quick visit. Then, believe it or not, we are going down to the hospital cafeteria to eat dinner. They actually don't have the traditional hospital food, and it's really inexpensive! So, HEY, might as well!

Thank you so much for your continued prayers, your loving messages and for so graciously displaying the beauty of the Bride of Christ. I'll continue to keep you posted!

Oh, and HAPPY EASTER! "HE IS RISEN!" "HE IS RISEN INDEED!!!!!!!"
-shannon

Mountains, Valleys & a New Room with a View

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 20:57:06 CDT

Good morning to you!
I just have a quick update and prayer request, as I am really, really tired today. My dear Mark has had some great successes the last couple days, since I last updated, but he's also had some very difficult moments as well. He's not able to sleep hardly a wink at night and is extremely agitated. Some of his medications seem to be interacting funny, and they are working on adjusting those. They sent him for some more tests today and lots of blood work to figure out if anything else is going on.

Last evening they brought him up to a regular hospital room from the ICU, which was a real sign of success. But with the injuries he has, he is SO uncomfortable, even with the pain being fairly well-managed. I have been sleeping at home every night, with the exception of the nights following his surgeries. But last night I decided to stay again, since it was a new setting and no longer ICU. It was an incredibly difficult night, as he didn't sleep hardly a wink. As a result, neither did I.

I won't go into all the details, but I just want to call on you to pray. Pray for the Doctors to have wisdom regarding drug interactions that might be occurring that are keeping him agitated and mentally unable to settle down. And pray that they will be able to hone in on what would best allow him to rest. He is absolutely exhausted and mentally struggling.

I have come home now for a few hours to sleep some, hoping that will bring some fresh perspective. But I wanted to post this note & prayer request, as they are working on things for him today.

I trust the Lord will bring comfort even when there is not much comfort in the natural, and that He is & will be our Sustainer, even through those long, difficult nights. His grace is sufficient....

Off to bed...

Thank you for your prayers lifted to the Father.
Blessings,
Shannon

On the road to recovery....YES!

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 10:57:04 CDT

4-04/09 11:59pm

Hello dear ones! It's Shannon again!

I was about to shut the laptop down for the night, but I thought I'd give a quick update to let you know how great Mark is doing. Plus, I wanted to journal for myself the wonderful accomplishments that have already occurred!

Mark's surgery yesterday afternoon/evening lasted a few hours, and it went absolutely beautifully. Dr. Rusnak came out to discuss the surgery with me afterwards and he even showed me REAL photographs of Mark's ankle opened up. Wowzers....kind of wild, but very interesting. They had to saw his ankle bone in order to get to the spot they needed to repair! Then they reattached it in all the places where it had dislocated. The surgeon said it went great! He also said that, if all Mark's injuries heal as they should, that there is no reason he will not be able to walk, hike, ski and run. That was so reassuring to hear, when I guess my mind had not really gone there yet. He will be in ICU 'til probably Tuesday or so, then head to a regular hospital room through next weekend. Most likely, he will be transferred to the rehab hospital a week from this coming Monday. At that point, according to the Dr., Mark will have about 8 weeks of NON-weight-bearing physical therapy, due to his severe injuries on BOTH legs. But he may not have to spend that whole time at the rehab place, depending on how he's able to maneuver himself.

Yesterday was REALLY hard. I was so tense by the end of the day, because of all the pain Mark was in, that I really just wanted to cry. But today his pain was well-managed and he was very content much of the day - talking up a storm, calling me Shannon and "pumpkin" and "honey." He even began his physical therapy already this afternoon and he loved it. He was super motivated and very excited about it. Of course, he's still pretty drugged and sleeps on and off throughout the day, but he is VERY positive and so sweet to everyone who comes in to help him. It's VERY cute. That made for a much more relaxing day! Plus, I and his nurse named "Hope" (kind of a nice name to have in the ICU), took him on a little field trip in a rolling chair bed kind of thing out into the ICU lobby, so he could overlook the beautiful stone lobby and see more of the hospital. That was fun and he was a happy camper!

I came home late afternoon today to be with my sweet boy Christian. He was still napping when I got home, and so after my Mom left, I snuggled up with him and we took a little nap together. I could tell he was ready to have Mommy home because he just wrapped his little legs all around mine and held me tight as he dozed back off. Then we played some of his favorite games, watched a Veggie Tales, ate some dinner, gave him a bubble bath and hit the sack. It was a great night. Hopefully, by early part of next week I can finally bring Christian up to the hospital, because Mark will be acting and looking a lot more like Daddy. That will make life much easier!

I continue to thank the Lord for His grace and mercy in our lives and I know that I know that He will work all of this for good because we love Him and are called according to His purpose. In fact, in my spirit, I almost feel excited about all that God is going to do in us as a result of this chapter in our lives. I've seen the Lord give beauty for ashes in my own life so many times, that I wait with anticipation to see the beauty that will come from what appears to be a tragedy. How grateful I am for the hope we have in Christ. As I get ready to turn in for the night, I can not even begin to imagine how lost my heart would be tonight if I could not find my rest in Jesus.

Thank you again, tonight, for your continued thoughts and intercession on our behalf. I pray that He might also strengthen and refresh you as you walk through the valley you may be facing tonight.

With love and gratitude,

Shannon

Mini Mark Update

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:20:33 CDT

I'm with my hubby in the ICU. We just went on a field trip with the nurse. Now it's time to rest. A few more days in the ICU, then to a hospital room here. I love my sweet man & am thankful to the Lord!

Out of Surgery

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 00:16:46 CDT

Mark came out of surgery about 45 minutes ago. Hooray! Things went really well and he is resting now. I'm headed to bed at the ICU for the night. Thank you for your continued prayers!

Ankle Surgery TODAY for Mark

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:53:56 CDT

Good morning dear friends & family!

It's been a little harder to pull an update together this morning because Mark is awake off and on (thank the LORD!)! He's been in a lot of pain, very groggy due to the drugs, and pretty talkative in between times of sleep. I'm being sure to write down some of the things he's saying when he can laugh about them later and also aching terribly for him as he hurts all over. The nurse said he's a very sweet patient and last night he even apologized for spitting out some applesauce, promising to "be a good boy next time." My sweet, sweet man is really in pain and my heart has been anxious, having to cast my cares on the Lord BIG time today. But he has been talking to me, saying my name, calling me "honey" and "babe" just like he usually does, so it was good to feel that connection after all these days.

About an hour ago, two precious physical therapy gals got him to actually sit up on the edge of the bed for about 2 minutes. His blood pressure shot up, obviously, and they laid him back down. But they said that was a great first step. They also continue to say that the circulation in both feet is good, so praise God for that. I give thanks to the Lord for those answers to prayer. He is bearing Mark up.

The main reason I'm writing is to let you know Mark's ankle surgery is a "GO" at 5 PM today. It will take several hours, but not as long as Surgery #1 or #2. I am really grateful that we are getting to the surgery today rather than having to wait through the weekend. A tad further down the road to recovery always feels good. As soon as he gets done with this surgery, and is pretty coherent, we'll bring Christian to the hospital to see him. You can be praying for continued wisdom for me regarding that.

With regard to today's surgery, the same prayer requests apply as they did with Surgery #2, but even more specifically you can be praying that the repair on the ankle would allow him to have excellent circulation to all parts of his foot. With this kind of dislocation, there is the risk of loss of blood flow to the tissue in the various parts of the foot (something they will continue to observe for 6 to 9 months), so let's pray that not only the Lord Himself would bring healing, but that God would give Dr. Rusnak amazing ability to mend and surge those parts back together in order to give them the ability to circulate fully in the days and years to come. This is critical.

This should be the last surgery - thank the Lord! Then he will be back in ICU for several more days, and at some point, he will go to a regular hospital room, then on to a rehab hospital near here. We've continued to be absolutely blessed and amazed by the folks who work here...they are so caring and attentive. I'm trying to just take it one day at a time, at this point, which is what the Word asks us to do anyway..."do not concern yourself with tomorrow, for today has enough concern of its own..." I am so grateful for all the promises He brings to my remembrance.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for lifting us up to the Father, precious saints. I will try to do a status update when he gets out of surgery tonight and is safely deposited in ICU once more. You can watch for that.

"For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." II Chronicles 16: 9

So be it, Lord.

Love & blessings,
Shannon

Surgery will be Friday

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:56:51 CDT

SURGERY FRIDAY...Dr. Rusnak, our orthopedic surgeon, came by this afternoon & said that they are going to be doing the surgery on Mark's ankle tomorrow (Friday) afternoon around 5 PM Mountain Time. This is great news! I will update more in the morning, but wanted to give you prayer warriors a "heads up!" To God be the glory!

Quick Update on Mark

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 18:41:57 CDT

They took Mark off the breathing tube this afternoon and he's breathing great, even with 8 broken ribs! They hope to keep him off of it until his next surgery on Monday. He also tried to talk to me today because he is less sedated. Good stuff!

My hubby, a piano and a nest...

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 11:21:02 CDT

Good morning dear ones!
It's a bright and lovely day in Colorado and I have a beautiful Front Range view from Mark's hospital window. I had a good night's sleep and awakened early, and what a blessed morning I've already had.

I had about 30 minutes to spare before the Dr's. would be coming by Mark's room to do their rounds at 7 AM. So I decided to explore the hospital a bit. It's a beautiful facility and I was enjoying wandering the halls lined with windows, when suddenly I stumbled upon the Chapel. I figured it would be a quiet place to connect with the Lord this morning, so I went in. When I walked in I was absolutely flabbergasted when I saw a beautiful upright piano sitting in the corner. WOW! I sat down & began to sing the first song that came to mind..."Great is Thy faithfulness...O God, my Father..." and got to have my own private worship service. I felt like it was an absolute gift from the Lord to me. And because we'll still be here another week or two, I plan to make many a visit! I'm supposed to be writing for a new project right now, so perhaps the Lord will give some songs in the "waiting."

As I left the Chapel to return to Mark's room this morning, I glanced out the window, and there before my eyes was a beautiful bird's nest nestled in a tree, right outside the window. It was a reminder to me of the sheltering wings of our mighty God..."He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge..." I am so grateful for the ways He is reminding me that we are in His care. I've attached pictures of both of my discoveries this morning. :)

As for my sweet Man, he is doing awesome! The Drs. came by this morning and said everything is looking terrific. No infection, his lungs are clear, his circulation is good, his wounds are healing, and his responses all are perfect. He's still on the breathing tube just for comfort due to his broken ribs, but they take him off the ventilator every day for several hours to prevent atrophy. He's breathing just great on his own. Praise GOD! The next few days he will be recovering from this last surgery and continuing on all the meds and treatments. He is scheduled to have the third surgery for his ankle on Monday. So, we have a little time in here to hang loose and recuperate. I continue to thank God for guarding Mark's life, as the medical personnel continue to say how "lucky" Mark is not to have head and spine trauma. I know we are blessed! This afternoon I'll head home to be with Christian for the afternoon/evening tonight and we already have some fun things planned! Can't wait!

I don't want to make this super long, so I'll close for now. But I just wanted to touch base and let you know the latest. And I also want to encourage each of you with these reports of God's faithfulness. I pray it encourages your heart today, especially if you are walking through a valley. "He who has promised is faithful and He will do it..."

Thank you for your continued prayers...I can imagine them burning on the altar before the Lord!

Love and appreciate each one of you,
Shannon

Surgery Update and April Fools Joke

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 00:26:01 CDT

Hi All!
I wanted to let you know that Mark got out of surgery about 45 minutes ago. He did AWESOME! They were able to repair the pelvis with a plate in front along with 6 screws (they gave me x-rays and it's way cool), along with an additional BIG screw through the side of the hip into the sacrum. They were also able to get the knee done today. The x-rays on that are pretty wild. Lots of screws, a huge plate, and a bone graft. They will watch it very carefully in the days to come. There is a window of about 2 weeks or so that he is at risk for infection at this site because it was an open fracture, so please continue to pray regarding this. So far, thanks be to God, it shows no sign of infection whatsoever. :)

Because the surgery went about 6 hours today, plus the 1 hour filter placement this morning, they were NOT able to get to the ankle today. Dr. Rusnak (the orthopedic surgeon) said that they will do that surgery either Friday or Monday, depending on swelling, schedules, etc...I trust the Lord with that decision and while I am not looking forward to Mark going through surgery again, I know that Drs. being fresh and Mark getting some rest before the next surgery is definitely wisdom!

Mark's parents and my Mom were here all day with me, which was great. My friends Jim and Kris continue to be angels on assignment. I will spend the night here tonight, just because I want to be close. But tomorrow I will plan to get back into the night and morning routine with Christian. He is doing great and had a wonderful day at Resurrection Fellowship, where he goes to preschool. He misses Daddy, but so far he has been a very happy and content boy. Thank you for your prayers for grace for his heart, and for wisdom for me, as I balance these worlds.

On a FUNNY note...The nurses here are an absolute blast and so much fun. And in honor of April Fool's Day, the respiratory therapist got the idea yesterday to hang one of these glass bottles they use for a certain type of drip from the IV rack and put oxygenated water in it, along with three goldfish for when the 10 or so Dr's came in to do their rounds this morning. It was hysterical as the Doc's one by one saw that thing hanging with fish swimming around. They all broke out their phones and started taking pictures. We even labeled it "Omega 3." A little comic relief in the midst of a trying time, which I know Mark will get a kick out of later. I attached a picture of the IV stand and you can see the little fishies swimming around. The respiratory therapist (Kevin) bought Christian a whole goldfish kit, so we could take home the fish for Christian! So thoughtful. I found out just minutes ago that he is a Christian, as he had seen me lead worship before at Resurrection Fellowship. Too cool!

Welp, that's it for tonight. I'll continue to keep you posted as we approach the next surgery. We have a long road ahead, but our God is already there.

Love & blessings to you,
Shannon

Surgery Day Prayers for Mark

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 12:35:21 CDT

Good Morning all,
I arrived back at the ICU this morning at 6:30 AM after spending the evening with Christian and sleeping at home. I slept pretty well over all, thank the Lord! We even watched American Idol, which was a good distraction! My dear friends Jim and Kris Dunlap spent the night with me and took Christian to preschool this morning for me (which is only 5 minutes down the road, so I'm thankful to be close). God continues to show His mercy and grace toward us in so many ways and they are being expressed through the love of His saints. I am so grateful.

Mark had a good, steady night, and the Dr's just got done evaluating him for surgery. All is a "go" at 10:30 this morning. They will take him down to the respiratory folks around 10 AM. Right now they are putting a filter in him to prevent blood clots and the team is scampering around his room right now.

As you intercede for Mark today, please bring these special requests to the throne for us, would you?

1. Please pray for supernatural wisdom and skill for the Orthopedic Surgeon Dr. Resnick, as well as for all the other Drs. and nurses and gifted medical personnel who will be attending. Pray for clarity of thought & attentiveness (the surgery will be 7 or 8 hours) and for their hands to be guided by our Great God. Please pray for all equipment to function perfectly and for each aspect of the surgery to be a success.

2. The Drs. this morning said that their goal for today's surgery is to get the pelvis fixed, as well as the knee. If things go really smoothly, they will try to get to the ankle as well. If they do not get to the ankle, they will have to go into surgery in a few more days for that. Please just ask the Lord to give them supernatural decision-making skills when it comes to that, as I want what is best for Mark overall and the Lord knows what that is.

3. There are several specific things you can be praying for with regard to Mark's body and recovery, in addition to the obvious. Please pray for NO blood clots. They are inserting the filter now to prevent those, because he is very high risk for them, since he has injuries in both knees and casts wraps and braces around them both.

4. Please also agree with us that his lungs will remain clear and free from pneumonia. So far they are pretty good, but the right side, where he broke all those ribs, has a little bit of congestion.

5. In addition, please continue to pray that he will not get any infection in his body, particularly at the site of the knee fracture (tibial plateau) where it was an open fracture.

6. Continue to pray for circulation to both feet to be healthy, especially as they heal from the surgery. Because his ankle, in particular, was completely dislocated from all three spots where it holds the ankle together, it will need to mend very well. Our God is ABLE!

7. Pray for supernatural peace for Mark all day today, that his spirit man would be encouraged and comforted in every way by the Holy Spirit our Comforter. And of course, pray for supernatural protection from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet, that Almighty God would surround Him on every side, guarding His heart, mind and body.

8. I am also praying and believing, and was praying on the way to the hospital this morning, that God the Creator, who knit Mark together in his mother's womb, would knit him together once again supernaturally today. It it my prayer that even the Drs. would be in awe of how well the surgery goes, how quickly Mark heals, etc...and we will give all the glory to the Lord!

I think those are my main prayers to bring before the Mercy Seat today. As I mentioned, Mark will be in surgery most of the day, and at some point Dr. Resnick will make the call whether or not to continue on to the ankle. I will be sure to keep you posted as best as I can, as I'll be doing a lot of "waiting" today.

I feel the presence of the Lord absolutely surrounding me and am casting my anxiety on Him. I worshipped and prayed as I drove West toward the mountains to the hospital this morning and felt joy and peace infuse my inner man, for which I am so grateful. I also sense amazing peace in Mark. All the Dr's and nurses have commented on how peaceful he is and what a sweet man he is. They must get some grumpy ones in here! :)

The Lord keeps bringing Ephesians 3:20 to my heart..."Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to HIM be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen!"

Thank you, thank you, thank you precious saints for your prayers and intercession on Mark's behalf. I am confident that He who began a work in Him will be faithful to complete it!

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you know would pray in agreement with us! We are also posting these updates to my website, so for folks who aren't on Facebook, they can check there as well. (www.shannonwexelberg.com)

I love and appreciate you all,

Shannon

Update on Mark

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:48:21 CDT

Hello all!
This morning when I woke up I remembered the lyrics to a song I wrote years ago called "You Carry Me..." and it's never been more true than now.

You carry me
You point the way, You steady my feet
You hold my hand
You are the strength of who I am
The world down here may think I'm strong
But they're wrong...
You carry me

I have to say, first and foremost, that I am more aware of the grace and mercy and steadfastness of the Living God right now than I probably ever have been. He has been at every turn in such a supernatural way than I am just smiling! It's amazing that in the midst of such tragedy, we have such hope.

There are so many ways that I have seen God's hand moving in the midst of this, that it would be way too long to write here. But I have become more and more aware that HE CARES about EVERY detail of our life. His arm is not short. He sees us, He guards us, He holds us, He goes behind, He goes before. It's amazing. His peace is supernatural.

And I wept this morning as I was getting ready to head back to the ICU at the beauty of the Body of Christ. That old Twila Paris song.."How Beautiful" kept running through my head. The love, prayers and offers of help have poured in like rivers of living water over my soul the last 36 hours. Thousands of people are praying and I'm simply blown away with gratefulness. Thank YOU does not express how much this means, but I must begin there and I know would feel the same.

Now for the latest update...

Mark had a good day yesterday. He is still on a breathing tube and is sedated, but only just enough to keep him out of pain and stay sleepy enough to sleep and rest. Again, the breathing tube is not because he can't breathe on his own, but because of all the broken ribs. It just helps assure that he gets enough oxygen. He is responsive to every command they give him to "squeeze my hand," "wiggle your toes," "follow the pencil with your eyes." It's amazing. But of course he's totally out of it and can't talk or anything due to the tubes and all the meds he's on. The nurses keep raving at what a wonderful patient he is, how kind and sweet they can tell he is just by his responses. That's my HONEY!

Yesterday he had an echocardiogram just to check for bruising on the heart, since he had 8 cracked ribs and we're waiting for those results. They don't suspect any problems, but it's just a precaution. He has had NO internal injuries which is a MIRACLE of God after being thrown 39 feet. One of the Dr's said his injuries are more like that of a car accident rather than a motorcycle, because motorcycle accidents almost always result in head, neck, back and upper body trauma. THANK YOU, JESUS! And he had another CT scan on his knee and his ankle since they are doing surgery on those tomorrow, along with his pelvis. He was such a trooper. Obviously each time they had to move him or prop him up a bit for a test, he was in agony, but he did great.

So far, since he was admitted into the hospital, he has had 7 pints of blood. I guess with a femur break (of which he had two!) you bleed quite a bit, so this is normal. They are giving him 2 more pints today to beef him up for tomorrow's surgery. He is getting regular doses of insulin every four hours, not because he's diabetic, but because keeping the blood sugar at a healthy level speeds the healing process, which is GOOD! Obviously, he continues to be on a million other drips and drugs and I am grateful for the miracle of modern medicine!

Each morning about 9 doctors come in the room to evaluate him. Today was no different. The team at the Colorado Medical Center of the Rockies is AMAZING and kind and efficient and compassionate, for which I am extremely grateful. I've enjoyed getting to know the nurses and it's a neat opportunity to shine the light of Jesus too. They did a doppler test on his circulation in his feet and it came out great, so that is an answer to prayer BIG time, as this is always a concern. No sign of infection or anything either, so PRAISE YOU JESUS! This morning, when I said LOUDLY (and I mean LOUDLY!) "I love you, honey," he nodded his head up and down, which was so precious.

Today will be a day of maintenance and preparation for the surgery tomorrow, which will be a big, long one. The other day I think I told you that the 5 hour surgery he had Sunday when he was first admitted only took care of his two femur breaks. He will have rods in his legs forever, so he'll set off every metal detector from here to Indonesia. But tomorrow is when they will work on the worst of the injuries, those being his completely dislocated ankle (on the right) and his completely messed up knee (on the left), along with the pelvis, which did NOT sustain very much injury, thank the Lord. The surgery will last from about 10 AM to late in the afternoon, maybe longer, depending on how much work will be done. So, I covet your prayers and will try to update you as the day progresses, as well as after the surgery is complete.

On a practical note, Mark's parents are arriving from Michigan tonight and will stay with my Mom and step-Dad, so that will be great. My Mom and one of my best friends, Kris, are helping me in a tremendous way with all things practical. Those of you who know me well know that I am a bit of an organizational freak, so I have lists going on my laptop and they are helping me handle them one by one. This morning is quiet at the ICU, so I am grateful! Many have offered to help with Christian, and I'm certain we will call upon you at certain points (you know who you are!). Right now, we are trying to keep his routine going, so things aren't complete chaos in his little life. He's doing GREAT! He won't see Mark until Mark gets through his second surgery and if off the breathing tube, etc...that has been everyone's recommendation.

On a totally wacky note...I don't know if any of you watch or listen to the clean comic Brian Regan. Well, we think he is SO funny and he actually has a spoof on "femur breaks" and pain management in one of his acts. Mark and I kid about it ALL the time, so he's never gonna hear the end of this once he is in recovery. The nurses handed me the pain management scale of 1-10 and I almost started laughing! I know that's terrible, but I was actually thankful to be able to get the giggles in the midst of this. I know Mark would laugh too and is definitely at a "10" if it weren't for all the meds. Anyway...just a little side note. It's good to keep a sense of humor, I think!

I think that's it for now...my mind is kind of like mush, but I've been praying for the mind of Christ and He's been so faithful to bring things to my remembrance, as needed.

If you've read this far, THANK YOU! You must really love us. :) We love you and thank God for you. "How beautiful is the Body of Christ...."

Grace,
Shannon

My Sweet Man is at the Hospital

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 10:59:14 CDT

Hi All,
I can't even begin to tell you what a tremendous reassurance all your comments have been over the last 15 hours, letting me know of so many prayers being lifted on Mark's and my behalf. The Body of Christ is truly amazing and I praise God for how beautiful His Bride is in action.

The Doctors will be making their morning rounds in about 15 minutes, so I will make this as brief as I can. Just to bring everyone up to speed...

Yesterday afternoon, Mark, Christian and I got home from church and Mark decided to run up to the outlet mall near where we live. He had bought a jacket and wanted to exchange it. This man does NOT do malls, but was quite motivated to head up there yesterday afternoon! He actually went to leave and took the car keys, but at the last minute decided to take his motorcycle. We said a quick good-bye and he zipped off. I put Christian down for his nap and went to return a call to a dear friend, then planned on taking a nap myself. A call beeped in on the other line when I was talking to my friend, but I ignored it and listened to the voice mail after I hung up. It was the hospital calling to say that my husband had been in an accident. Shaking and praying, I quickly called Gina back (a counselor) and she gave me a brief report and then let me talk to the trauma Doctor. He gave me a brief run down on what Mark's injuries were and then said they were taking him into surgery.

I quickly made my "post" on Facebook for prayer support, awakened Christian from his nap, gathered my laptop and phones and chargers, my Bible and my son's Leap Frog game and headed for the hospital. He was only about 3 minutes from home, where the accident took place. A young, 18 year old girl ran a stop sign and plowed into Mark. There were no skid-marks, the officer said, so neither saw the other coming. Mark's bike flew one way and Mark flew the other way 39 feet from the scene of the accident. By the GRACE of God, he had no head trauma or injury to his spine or neck. But his injury was great. He broke both his femur bones - one very severely in several places - broke his pelvis, his right knee got completely busted and the bone popped through the skin, and his left ankle got completely dislocated. He had broken ribs and shoulder blade, but they said that other than that, from the neck up he received no major trauma whatsoever. God truly spared him and I praise His Holy name. The police officer who came to see us at the hospital, who had been at the scene, said that Mark was so "lucky" to not have had a head or neck trauma...but I know better. Luck had nothing to do with it.

So, my Mom and step-Dad, along with several close friends and one of my Pastors came to the hospital right away. Mark was in surgery for 5 hours last night, but the only thing they repaired were the femur breaks. He is in ICU now and will stay here until Wednesday when they will put him back into surgery in order to repair the rest of the injuries.

Things you can pray for now are that God would protect him from infection to any of the injury sites, particularly the knee, which was exposed during the accident. Also, pray that he will not develop any other infections such as pneumonia and that his lungs will continue to function fully and healthily. And, of course, pray for the Dr's for continued wisdom as to how to best treat and care for him.

Mark is sedated and so I've not been able to talk to him. Last night I was able to tell him how much I love him and that I am here and would be here overnight. Other than that, he has been on a breathing tube and on lots of pain meds. They said he'd be that way for the most part, the next few days and following the second surgery.

Following his stay here, which could be one to two weeks, he will most likely go to a rehab center near us. We have a great facility about 3 miles from our home, so we're going to request he go there. Not sure how long he'll need to be there, but we are trusting God for supernatural healing and recovery.

The Doctors said that because the two major traumas occurred on two separate legs that it will be about 8 or more weeks before he will be able to get up and around, and even then it will not really be weight-bearing. The recovery will be slow (but of course we will continue to pray!) and there will be lots of physical therapy...up to 12 months in the whole process.

Christian - our 4 1/2 year old - came to the hospital with me last night and stayed for a couple hours in the waiting room just playing. I told him Daddy fell off his motorcycle and hurt his legs a little bit and so the Doctors are fixing him...that he's very sleepy and needs to rest to get better. He seemed OK but said he misses him. My dear friends Jim and Kris Dunlap (friends from Resurrection Fellowship up here) took Christian home to our house in Windsor last night and are taking him to preschool at Rez this morning, as he normally would go. Today was "dress like a bug day" at school for him, so Kris actually helped make the costume last night that I had bought supplies for on Saturday. We were going to make it last night so he could be a BUG today! I'll see him after lunch and take him out for a bit and will probably spend the night with him at home tonight so he can feel like things are normal. The hospital folks have recommended that Christian NOT see Mark at this point, because he is so sedated and can't talk or anything and it could freak him out. So continue to pray for peace for his little heart, as well as Mama's.

This has come as a shock as is overwhelming on a natural level, but in my spirit I feel the deep peace of God. I just keep thanking Him for sparing Mark and for all He will accomplish for His name's sake through Mark's life, as a result of this. His ways are higher than ours and I trust Him - our faithful God.

I will give more of an update once I hear from the Doctors, who should be here soon. Thank you for your continued prayers and love. I feel lifted by His grace and know that the fervent prayers of the saints are availing much.

Love and blessings to you,
Shannon

March 28, 2009 / New Seasons & New Eyes

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:58:51 CDT

Happy Spring to you all! Forgive me for my negligence in writing! Life's been kind of nuts, as I'm sure it is for many of you. And just when I think things are settling down and I can exhale, something happens and things get nutty again! I guess that's life though, and we learn to find His peace in the midst of it. Peace isn't inactivity, but it's being settled in spirit in the middle of the chaos. Still, I do long for more quiet moments to steal away.

Life reminds me a lot of Colorado weather. This last week, just when I packed up all my sweaters and warm items, we got a blizzard. I knew, in the back of my mind, that this would probably happen, but something in me is eager to embrace the new season and so I move around stuff in the closet and get ready for SPRING! Then...BOOM!...we get nailed with snow, and I have to break out the scarves and coats again. Then, the next week it's 70 degrees. It reminds me not to get too attached or too comfortable in the season I am in, because the Lord is constantly mixing things up, in a good way, in order to cause us to fully develop our "wardrobe." That wardrobe is the fruit of the Spirit and the weapons of our warfare. And so, while I love those seasons where I feel like life is coasting along so smoothly, often I can find myself getting stagnate in my relationship with Him. Then, when things shift and "winter" comes for a bit, He's reminding me of my deep need for Him. Suddenly, in that harsh wind, His Spirit blows.

Anyway, I was just thinking about that today, because two days ago we did have that blizzard, and today it is beautiful and sunny and soon to be warm again. Seasons come and go, as does the craziness, joy and pain of life, but one thing is constant...our need for Him.

Another thing God's been showing me, as He's been peeling back some of the layers I've allowed to accumulate around me, is how much I sometimes process life through the need to please others. Does anyone else fall victim to that besides me? Being a first-born, I was always the one who wanted to get straight A's, win the Spelling Bee (which I did, by the way), say the right thing, do the right thing, make everyone happy. Throw in the "artistic personality" and you got real trouble. It's a house of cards, and if you carry those tendencies into your adult life, you tend to order your life around what "others" want or need of you, rather than being true and authentic. God has been showing me that tendency in me...the tendency to protect and to operate in fear, at times, rather than faith. So, I'm learning. I'm asking Him to slow me down and speak to me in those moments so I can rightly divide the truth - to love and live more authentically.

What's God doing in your life right now? I'd love to hear from you. What new things is He showing you about you, your family and your faith? My prayer for you is the same as it is for me..."God, get me where I can be best utilized for Your glory...and if I am blind or mid-guided, please protect me from myself, so that I might be fully used for Your name's sake. Set me free from all that holds me back from being salt and light in this world. Use me, Lord. Heal me, that I might help bring healing to others. May I find my satisfaction in YOU, Lord."

Thanks for listening to my ramblings! May the Lord find you in the very place that you are right now and speak tenderly to you, leading you into fertile places..."

January 25, 2009 / Lack of Faith

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 00:29:26 CDT

Sometimes I sit and stare at this page somehow feeling the need to word things "just so." After all, I don't want to offend, confuse, or have anyone think less of me. How goofy is that! I mean, what's a journal or a blog all about anyway? Getting real and sharing what's truly on your heart.

Last night I opened for a Selah concert and I got a chance to meet and go to dinner with Angie Smith (Todd's wife) & the rest of the gang. She was so incredibly real and authentic and we instantly connected. During the course of our conversation, we both came to the conclusion that probably THE most endearing characteristic in a person is authenticity. I LOVE it when people are unafraid to let it all hang out...not in a self-indulgent way or a pity party way - but in a way that lets you know that they aren't trying to create some sort of false image of themselves. I also love (& try to be this way, though I'm sure I often fail) when people are more interested in others than themselves - whether it be in the midst of a conversation or by realizing how much we think of ourselves throughout the day and what might improve OUR day, rather than how we might improve someone else's. Gollee, I am guilty of that so often.

All that said, I decided last night that more than ever before, I want to share my heart and my journey on these pages. Not that I haven't up to this point, but I think we, as Christ-followers - need to get real and not be afraid to show it. We also need to care deeply for one another. And I mean not just in words, but in deeds. Care enough to be honest.

OK, so enough about that. As Angie and I were talking last night over dinner, we landed on the subject of motherhood and the subject of infertility came up. I couldn't help but remember a maddening email that I received once. Truly, 99% of emails that I receive are precious and heartfelt and encouraging, but this particular one was so upsetting. Not long after adopting our son, I began posting several pictures and journal entries about this answer to prayer. Knowing fully that this was God's plan for us, I was shocked when I received an email that said that "if we could raise our level of faith then we would have actually been able to have a biological child and not been forced to adopt." Wow...I'm sorry, did I really just read that? This emailer went on to share their testimony about how God had answered their prayers after they raised their faith levels and given them several children. I stared dumb-founded at the computer screen after reading this...very briefly tempted to respond. But knowing that would get me absolutely nowhere, I casually reached up and hit the "delete" key.

It took me back to the mid-90's, when I was at Christ for the Nations and a dear, precious friend of mine named Kerri Hulen was fighting valiantly for her life. She had breast cancer. With the best intent, many professors, students and other faculty would encourage her to repent of any unconfessed sin in her life, raise her levels of faith, and most certainly she would be healed. I watched her repent of things that probably weren't even sin, as she struggled to survive for her husband and two toddlers. I watched her fight for her life, all the while wondering if it was somehow HER fault that she was sick. There were days I had no words. I, too, was confused. This was the first time I was an eyewitness to someone literally fighting to survive. I wanted to believe that if we did all the right things & confessed the right Scriptures that all would be well. After a five year battle, Kerri went home to be with Jesus. While she was struggling to live, I was struggling to bring life into this world. Both of us were crying out to God, but not getting the answer we expected.

And there are millions of stories that are similar. Over the years, through the struggle with infertility that Mark and I had, I received many "words from the Lord" given to me by people. I've seen many precious Christ-followers be catapulted into deep, deep valleys of pain plagued by all the "why's." And I've heard many, many testimonies of God's healing power and deliverance as well. There was no common denominator, where those with GREAT faith got the miracle and those with lesser faith continued to muddle along in their trials. Not so.

The fact is that God is the One who decides. I'm not saying that there aren't things we do that hinder His power in our lives and there are many things He "allows" but does not necessarily "cause." Certainly. But if our hearts are turned toward Him, our desire is for Him, and our lives are surrendered to Him, we are in HIS hands. He is speaking to us, He is living in and through us. He is authoring our stories. He is putting the finishing touches on each chapter of our lives. Sometimes the chapter is marred by deep pain. But He has promised to make those valleys fertile places and to never leave us nor forsake us.

OK...so my theology has changed, I suppose, over the years. Or I guess I've let go of my need to understand and have pat answers and I'm learning to trust more and more in a God that I do not fully comprehend, who is wild at heart, but who is incomprehensibly good.

So, yes, I hit the "delete" key that night over a year ago when I read that email. But I suppose this is my response now. My honest response. If you can look in the beautiful eyes of my son and tell me that it isn't God's miraculous plan to place him into our arms, then I do not believe that you fully understand the nature of who He is. For He is the very One who burst through time & poured out His blood in order to ransom us & pluck us out of certain death and adopt us as His sons and daughters. And guess what? That was not Plan B. The Lamb was slain before the foundations of the world.

Every story is different. God isn't predictable. His Word is true and it is infallible. But in this world we will have trouble. Ah, but fear not, He has overcome the world. And He will see fit that ALL things we face will work together for good when we love Him and are called according to His purpose. Not a trite answer. Just a fact.

So, to address the question of whether or not my friend Kerri or I (or any other person experiencing a great trial) have a problem with our faith levels. How does one even answer that? As if we could ever "earn" a miracle or deserve anything at all, as we lie in a pile of filthy rags, thinking we have even an ounce of righteousness in and of ourselves. I am not saying that faith does not please the Lord. And with all my heart, I desire for my faith in HIM to be great. But if we examine the Word and the accounts therein, we will find that pain and faith are close companions. And as a result, together they often birthed greater miracles than any mind could've conceived or prayed for. And so they did in our son, Christian. Our miracle. God's gift. His story unfolding in our lives, for His glory. The labor of pain and faith birthed at long last.

January 6, 2009 / Tattered Pages

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 10:22:28 CDT

Click here to listen to Tattered Pages

This is my very first journal entry on my new website! And I am embarrassed to see that my last one was dated June 20th! Oh my...

Well, thankfully, there is such a thing as a "new beginning" or a "fresh start" and it is my hope that I will be better at "blogging" this coming year.

It's been quite a year - full of glimpses of God's great faithfulness everywhere I look. Even in the painful chapters of this year, ones I wouldn't care to re-live, I can see His touch as He carefully worked it all according to the good of this child who loves Him.

One life-changing thing that happened this year was the fact that I had the privilege of visiting a federal prison several times down in Canon City, CO with another friend of mine from Woodmen Valley Chapel in Colorado Springs. We went, along with the Chaplain there (who is also an incredible bass player at our church!), and spent time with the prisoners, many who have been set free by Jesus Christ. They have several guys who form their worship team, and you should hear those guys rock the house for Jesus! That room swells with so much praise, you think the walls are going to fall down.

One afternoon when we were down there, we asked one of the guys to share his story with us, as we all sat eating lunch. He said he had no desire to ever share his story again, because every time he had it was in front of a judge who rejected him and threw him back into the system. His story represented shame, rejection, denial & bondage. But between that visit and the next, God began to work on Hop's heart (that's his name). He began to realize that his story belongs to the Lord and that maybe it was time he shared it, for whatever purpose God might have for him to do so. And he shared his story with us that day...it goes like this.

Hop was a teenager when it all happened. He and his brother got into a huge fight with a gang. No one was killed, but many were badly injured. Because the gang they were fighting with was of another race, Hop was charged with a hate crime and multiple felonies, resulting in about a 60 year sentence. (Hop is now in his mid-thirties)

Upon arriving at the Denver County Jail, he was thrown down into the "hole" for 40 days and nights. All that was down there was a filthy toilet, a bed frame (no mattress) and behind the toilet was a dirty, torn up, tattered Bible. Well, not having a whole lot else to do, Hop began to read it. He read that Bible from cover to cover, who knows how many times, while he was down there. And while he did, the Living Word came and impacted him in ways that absolutely transformed His life. The Word came to life while he was down in the dark place. While he was in that hole, Hop gave his life to the Lord in a dramatic way, and simply can not get enough of the Word of God ever since. He is now fluent in Hebrew and Greek and teaches the Word of God to the inmates every week.

Needless to say, my friend Cindy and I were in tears. The power of one person's story should not be diminished. Sometimes the most painful parts of that story are the parts that God can most use to heal another life. We experienced the power of "story" that day.

A few of us, including our Pastor (Matt Heard), planned to head down to do a special Christmas program for the inmates in December. The theme was going to be "the gift of words." Cindy mentioned that it might be neat if I wrote a song for the guys. So, I tucked that idea in my pocket and planned to try to do so later. In November, it came time to think about it again and try to write a song. As I began to pray and process, that picture of Hop in the bottom of that "hole" came to me. And in an instant the words "tattered pages" came across my mind's eye. I emailed what I was thinking to Cindy and she said..."girl, that is SO the title of the song!" I said, "ya think?" And so, I began to write. And like all "creations" that the Holy Spirit gives, the song was finished that evening and I truly felt so aware that He had deposited it into my heart and I was simply His vessel pouring out the words and music on paper.

Well, to try to abbreviate the rest of this story...we ended up singing this song at the prison on December 16th and it was such a special time with the inmates. And it was so special to see Hop's story come to life now in a song. It was fun to bring a bunch of food and decorations in and throw them a big Christmas party! The big "hit" of the party were the creme puffs bought from Sam's Club!

Well, it didn't end there. My church decided that perhaps we should use the song "Tattered Pages" for our Christmas Eve services! I was so excited. Then, Cindy had the idea that we should record the song and give it away to everyone that comes that day/night. And so I did!

The reason I'm sharing this story isn't at ALL to say..."isn't that cool how they used my song?" Oh, no...not at all. It is cool and as a songwriter, it is so neat to see a song get wings. But, what is amazing to me is the power of our story. Hop is a prisoner. (not on the inside, but in the natural) For all intents and purposes, he feels like his story is worthless. Or he DID feel that say. But because he was willing to say, "hey, my story belongs to God," a heart was touched, then a song was birthed. And because a song was birthed, we were able to sing it at the prison for many hearts. And then, as a result, his story got recorded through song to be given to the thousands of people who walked through that door to attend Christmas Eve services. Those people took his story home with him. They are sharing his story with other people who need to hear the story.

And you, my friend, you have a story. I have a story. Some of it is stuff we'd rather not anyone know about. Some of it is painful. And, of course, there is a time and place for all things. But, please, don't diminish your story and stuff it down thinking only the pretty, shiny parts of you are what God can use. I find as we look through the Scripture that God tends to used tarnished, tattered stories quite often, don't you? God is the author and finisher of our faith. He is the Potter. He is the Great Composer. And somehow, in His amazing grace, He has a way of weaving our stories together in a tapestry and impacting one another. It's like a domino effect. I find it incredible and I stand amazed at how our Awesome God works.

So, if you find yourself looking at the "tattered pages" of your life wondering how on earth God could ever use this or that chapter. Oh, our God is full of all kinds of surprises and miracles. Nothing is wasted in His book. No one is without purpose. Give Him your story. Trust Him with it. For He is good...and there is a world in need of hearing the miracle He has written upon the pages of your life.

I just finished reading the book "The Shack." it impacted me greatly and I'm still processing. But one quote toward the end stood out to me with regard to the significance of our lives. It is as follows:

(The Holy Spirit is speaking to Mack, the main character, about whether or not his story is significant) "Mack, if anything matters then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes: with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again..."

June 20, 2008

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 23:07:46 CDT

Have you ever felt like your days were very "ordinary"? Your life, your routine, maybe even your spiritual walk, just very "Plain Jane?" ( Or "Plain Wayne" if you're a guy) Maybe you're not on a mountaintop OR in a valley. After all, those are the times that I think we "feel" Him nearest. But it's not as if, when we're not flying high or flailing in the depths, He's any less present....maybe we just don't feel as "in need" of Him. H-m-m-m-m.....kind of scary, I think.

I've been feeling that way lately - struggling to find more significance in my "every day" and wanting to "feel" Him more near. As I've pouted and poked my feet in the proverbial dirt on the ground of my life, it dawned on me that God Himself walked on this earth. What is so "ordinary" about that? He Himself breathed life into me. Could it be, then, that every breath I take on this "ordinary" day is a miracle itself? He numbers the hairs on this head of mine - even on a bad hair day. So shall I thank Him when I'm brushing my hair that He cares enough to do so and does not find me a bore? He does not appear or reappear given my circumstances - be it valley low or mountain high. Every day - every ordinary meal-preparing, errand-running, child-chasing day - is HIS. It's in HIS hands - His very miraculous, powerful, significant hands.

And so this wrestling, I'm convinced, has come down to one thing. One very telling thing about my view of life at times. I often equate busyness with significance. There....I said it. Did someone call me to write a song for them? Have I been invited to sing at some special event? Do I feel needed/wanted by my family and friends...maybe even admired? Is my calendar full? Are my gifts being utilized? (you've never felt that way, have you? It must be just me...) Somehow, when these things are present, it means that God is listening, moving on my behalf, giving me "favor." Ick....that could not be further from the truth. TODAY, this very hour, this very moment, I have HIS FAVOR. For I have His salvation and His presence and I have the power of His Spirit working within me - He who infuses the "ordinary" with the extraordinary. Isn't that TRUE favor?

I haven't figured all this out, but this one thing I DO know. Not one day is ordinary. As I sit here behind my laptop, He is speaking to me. As I prepare a meal for my family, I can encounter the Holy One and thank Him for His provision. As I walk the aisles of the grocery store and see the huge selection, I can pray for the majority of the rest of the world who has no such option and wants even for a simple bowl of rice at times. Finding His heart in the ordinary moments is what makes life worth living. For He is the Extraordinary God of a very ordinary "me."

February 16, 2008

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 23:06:59 CDT

Simplify!

January 6, 2008

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 23:06:22 CDT

Happy New Year...Looking Back on 2007...

November 16, 2007

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 23:05:29 CDT

Tabernacle Study...Happy Thanksgiving...

October 4, 2007

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 23:03:21 CDT

Birthdays and Pumpkin Spice Lattes...

August 6, 2007

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 23:00:41 CDT

A beginning of a new thing...

August 4, 2007

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:58:47 CDT

Much needed update...

March 25, 2006

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:54:41 CDT

New addition to the family...

March 8, 2005

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:52:25 CDT

Infertility...

November 28, 2004

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:50:03 CDT

Just finished reading "Ruthless Trust"...

July 25, 2004

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:41:52 CDT

Saddleback Worship conference...

May 27, 2004

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:37:17 CDT

Moved back to Colorado...

March 21, 2004

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:35:29 CDT

Infertility...

February 24, 2004

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:33:54 CDT

Busy month of ministering...

January 13, 2004

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:28:33 CDT

New Year's resolutions...feeling of a clean slate...

December 4, 2003

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:24:52 CDT

Happy belated Thanksgiving, early Christmas...