Happy New Year!  What an amazing year it has been!  As I look back on 2007, I am most grateful for the fact that all the different experiences the Lord allowed in my life this year all seemed to intersect and result in a deeper amazement of who He is! As I sit on the edge of 2008, looking back to 2007, I can only whisper the words "thank You, Jesus."  

It hasn't been an easy year.  No, in fact, there have been many highs and lows.  But isn't that exactly where the Lord meets us? His face always seems clearer to me in the valleys, almost like I could reach out and touch His face.   

Even as I write, I am sitting in a hotel room in Waseca, Minnesota, just miles from where my Dad grew up.  His Mother, my Grandma, died just three days ago.  She was 92 years old and her heart finally failed her, after many months of struggling to keep her blood pumping.  She was a retired school teacher - Latin, English Grammar and Literature were her subjects - a lover of travel (like her Granddaughter, Shannon), and a Norwegian through and through. She married my Grandpa, James Fogal, years ago, but he died while my Dad was in college, so I never got a chance to meet him. But then my Grandma (Leona was her name) married a dear man named Edward Bluhm in the 80's.  Then he passed away several years ago. I remember she collected spoons from all over the world and thimbles. She was insanely organized and neat as a pin and had a witty, dry sense of humor.  She used to translate books into Norwegian & Latin. I suppose she is where I inherited my love for travel, language and writing and, I confess, probably where I got my neat-knick tendencies!  

My Dad and his wife, Ann, and I sat on their hotel room bed tonight sifting through all her pictures, selecting special ones that we wanted to take home to cherish.  It made me realize that, after all is said and done, the legacy that we really leave behind is not anything to do with what we have, but who we are.  How we loved.  How we showed kindness.  How we made others smile.  How we made a difference.  

Last week I was leading worship down at Woodmen Valley in Colorado Springs, and Doug Olsen preached on "The Resolution of Legacy."  It was powerful.  He talked about the difference between "memories & recollections" and a true legacy.  The difference is in the mentoring.  Are we just creating fond memories or are we making deposits into the lives we are making memories with?  Oh, how I long to leave that legacy of love and concern for impacting the lives around me. I want to be a good steward of what the Lord has entrusted to me by entrusting it to others, like the Apostle Paul did.  The message truly inspired me...

Between our times spent at Woodmen Valley this last year (life-changing) and the Beth Moore "Tabernacle" study I did, I feel like I have fallen deeper in love and amazement with the Lord than ever before.  I thought I knew Him before.  I thought I loved Him before.  And I did.  But, oh, I love Him more at the end of 2007 than I did at the beginning.  That's the best thing I could ever say about this last year.  I love loving You more, my Jesus!  The more I discover, the more deeply I am blown away...the more life comes into focus.  

And so my prayer for 2008 for me, for my family and for you is simply this...."I pray that at this time next year we will look back on 2008 and say 'Jesus, I love You more now than I did a year ago. I have become more and more amazed by who You are this last year than ever before...I am in awe of Your love and mesmerized by Your cross.'"

If that prayer is answered - and He will answer it - there's not anything else that can beat it.  Knowing Him is knowing satisfaction. Knowing Him is knowing purpose.  Knowing Him is gaining vision. Loving Him is loving the very Lover of your very soul.  Loving Him is loving perfect love...love that will not fail you.   When we look into His face, we see perfection, we see acceptance, we see grace, we see holiness, we see our Abba.  

So, on the cusp of 2008 I feel most grateful.  I am saying good-bye, temporarily, to a Grandma who knew You and is now with You, but I am saying "hello" to another year journeying with my Father.  Thank You, Lord, for the spiritual significance of 2007.  I love You with all that is within me.  You are life to me.  

I thought I would take a few minutes this morning before heading out of town for Thanksgiving this coming week to catch up with you all!  The house is quiet for the moment and all I hear is the rushing of the water in the washing machine.  Now, most importantly, I must quiet my heart once again. 

The Lord has been doing so much in me from so many different angles.  Do you ever feel a stirring in your spirit but you're not exactly sure how to put your finger on it?  That's how I feel right now.  God has been showing me Himself in so many little ways, but the overall message that I'm getting is "I want you to be near Me."  In the Tabernacle study I'm doing (Beth Moore), it's all about the incredible fact that everything God did from the beginning of "time," as we know it, was to be near us!  From the Garden, as He walked among the trees in the cool of the day, to His command for the Israelites to create a Tabernacle that He might dwell there and meet with them.  And, of course, to JESUS - the ultimate demonstration of His desire to be close to us once again, to not be separated by this ugly thing called "sin."  Now, this might sound simplistic and you might be thinking..."well, that's nothing new, Shannon!  Duh!"  But, even though I have served Him my whole life, it is as if He is revealing this to me in a new way. I can hardly explain it, but I feel a deeper sense of His love toward me than I ever have and it's SO GOOD! 

Because I am sensing Him drawing me nearer and nearer, I am also hearing Him say..."draw near me...and be like me."  In other words, "I am calling you to a deeper level of holiness and fruitfulness in your life."  Things that might have seemed OK in the past, or seem OK to other believers may not be OK - certain TV shows, certain ways of joking, certain attitudes...the list could go on.  And I'm not meaning this in a legalistic, stuck-in-the-mud way, but I feel the Lord saying to His Bride..."Prepare yourself...allow me to prune away those things that aren't pleasing to me...because I love you and I want to be near you.  Be holy as I am holy." 

I feel like I'm not expressing this well, because I'm still processing so much of it.  But one thing I do know is that God is drawing me and drawing you near.  He longs to be near His children, to reveal the secrets of His heart to us.  He longs for us to delight ourselves in Him, to worship at His feet, to choose the "one thing" that will satisfy.  There is no substitute.  Oh...I may try to substitute this joy with other things like chocolate (I try that one way too much), shopping, friends, family, money...but nothing will EVER satisfy except Jesus.  And He waits for us...He calls to us...He longs to be written upon every page of our story, for us to awaken with Him, interact with Him all day long, and to close our eyes at night breathing our last words of the day to Him.

In closing, I want to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving week next week.  I know, all too well, that the Holidays can be a painful time for many of you for so many different reasons.  For me, the pain of infertility stung every time a holiday rolled around.  At times, the pain of my parents divorcing STILL rolls around.  And for those of you who have lost loved ones or have estranged relationships, these days can be difficult.  But they are also an opportunity.  An opportunity to draw near the spout of Living Water and let Him pour Himself into you and fill you - every nook and cranny of your life and heart.  I believe that in our pain and suffering, Christ has the greatest opportunity to show us all that He is.  So, with thanksgiving let us face this week, this month, this year, this life....because He will supply ALL that we need according to His riches in Christ Jesus.  Love you all! 

I feel like a broken record, in that I always start out my journal entries with a "where in the world has this month gone?"  kind of question!  But here I go again...how can it be October already?  How is this possible?  Well, at any rate, it IS October and Happy Fall 2007 to you!  I'm loving the chill in the air at night in beautiful Colorado - windows open to sleep by every night.  Ah, yes...it is my favorite time of year.  And, alas, Starbuck's reintroduces its Pumpkin Spice Latte this time of year, as well.  Life can't get much better!  (oh brother, I know...)

Since I last wrote, someone in our family had a birthday!  I'll give you a hint.  It wasn't Mark and it wasn't me!  Yeppers!  It was Christian, who turned THREE in September!  Can't hardly believe it.  He is talking up a storm and becoming more and more grown up every day.  We are enjoying him so much, as his little personality blossoms.  He is precious, a barrell of laughs and a ball of energy all rolled up into one cute boy! 

Aside from life as wife and mom - which is a full time job in and of itself, I've had some neat things going on in the area of ministry and worship.  What an absolute blessing it has been to spend time leading worship with the team from Woodmen Valley Chapel in Colorado Springs.  They are like a second family to me!  I've led down there several times in the last couple of months - going down for rehearsals and their four weekend services - and it's been an absolute joy.  In fact, I'm leading down there again in a week or so.  In September, I had the privilege of leading for their Fall Kick-Off/Vision services.  They not only had a wonderful ministry "expo" after each service, where everyone could go and explore and discover new places of ministry within the church walls and beyond, but it was also the weekend of the final message in a series they were doing called "iServe - Living Beyond Yourself."  Though I was scheduled months before to lead worship for that weekend, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God orchestrated that fact!  Cindy, their Director of Worship Arts, emailed me the week prior, sharing the fact that Pastor Matt was focusing on Ephesians 2 "we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works..." that weekend and that they planned to have painters, sculptors and all different types of artists on stage "creating" during worship.  She was emailing about worship preparation and asked if I had any specific songs for the weekend.  Well, instantly the Holy Spirit prompted me with my song "Work of Art," and the rest is history.  I was deeply moved that weekend as we worshipped and as I had the chance to minister that song at the close of P. Matt's message, while all around me artists worshipped as they sculpted...painted...created.  I could feel God smile.  I sensed the "fullness" of Christ that day, as if He was at home in that place.  I can't explain it, but you know how you feel when you know that God accomplished something and you got to witness it and sense it?  So many times God does do things when we step out and minister, but we may not see or sense the fruit.  This weekend was different....I felt alive and I felt Christ alive in me.  I thank God for a heart like Cindy's, and a church like Woodmen, where the Creator is set free to create through His creation. 

Ah, yes...last weekend was a blessing too!  I spent the weekend in Denton, TX at Denton Bible Church for a Revive Our Hearts conference, leading worship.  Nancy Leigh DeMoss is the speaker/author featured at these events and she is a tremendous blessing - so full of the Word and wisdom from the Holy Spirit.  I was blessed myself by getting to lead such a wonderful group of about 2000 women to the throne all weekend!  One highlight was when a gal named Stacey shared her testimony, via video, of her prison sentence and subsequent salvation!  It was amazing to see the story of her life transformed before our very eyes.  Following her testimony, she came up and did sign language to my song "Whole Heart," which I sang from the grand piano.  What a testimony of God's grace and redemption.  I'm so thankful to have shared in that moment of worship with her! 

Lastly, on a personal note, I've been doing the Beth Moore Bible Study on the Tabernacle called "A Woman's Heart" with a group of ladies at Resurrection Fellowship.  Oh MY!  I am being blown away and absolutely floored by it.  I'm still processing so much right now that it's hard to put in words all that the Lord is showing me right now.  But let's just say that I feel the nearness of God and His desire to be near me more than ever before as a result of the revelation in this study!  I see now, more than ever, His pursuit of me! His word is so rich and full of treasures!  If you get a chance to go through this study, don't hesitate.  It will be worth every moment.

Well, I better close for now.  I've been writing during Christian's nap time and I have laundry that needs to be folded, along with some other home stuff that needs tending to before Mr. Three Year Old gets up!  For those of you that might make it to the "Better Than Life" tour in November, I will look forward to meeting you face to face.  I do believe it's going to be a powerful time of testimony and song.

May the Lord reveal Himself to each of you in fresh ways in this season of your journey.  As the Fall weather starts to settle in and the leaves change color and slip to the ground, may you remember that He makes all things new. Yes, indeed....He makes all things beautiful in His time...

Wonder of wonders!  I'm writing twice in one week!  I just wanted to share this new thing that God is doing in my heart.  I was driving home from church yesterday afternoon and a prayer began to rise from my spirit..."Lord, increase my fruitfulness..."  I wasn't necessarily thinking about that; I was actually pretty exhausted, having led worship all morning...but suddenly my spirit was praying this prayer, and soon this prayer began to spill over my lips and in my tears as well.  This morning, after Mark left for work, and before Christian woke up, I stole a few precious moments with the Lord.  I began to pray and seek the Lord about "fruitfulness."  What does that really mean?  What does it look like in my life?  How do I bear more fruit?  How can I be more effective for His kingdom?  I began to "stumble" upon some amazing passages of Scripture that blew me away.  God is so faithful to give us wisdom when we ask for it.  I love Him so!!!  Here are just a few that I wrote down that hit me between the eyes - all verses I've read before, but the Holy Spirit shined His light on them for me this morning:

II Peter 1: 5-8 says:  "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith, GOODNESS; and to goodness, KNOWLEDGE; and to knowledge, SELF-CONTROL; and to self control, PERSEVERANCE; and to perseverance, GODLINESS; and to godliness, BROTHERLY KINDNESS; and to brotherly kindness, LOVE.  For if you possess THESE qualities in INCREASING measure, they will keep you from being INEFFECTIVE and UNPRODUCTIVE in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

"Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river.  Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail.  Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them.  Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing.  (Ezekiel 47: 12)

John 12:24 " I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.  But if it DIES, it PRODUCES MANY SEEDS..."

"He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while EVERY BRANCH THAT DOES BEAR FRUIT, HE PRUNES, so that it will be even more fruitful." (John 15:2)

I confess, usually, when I try to "increase my effectiveness" in my own strength, I tend to order books in the area I want to learn and grow in.  Yes, I confess, I am an www.amazon.com junkie.   I begin to read more about my area of desired growth...ie, leadership principles, worship, working with people, etc...And I still think that's an important and beneficial thing to do!  We can learn so much from those of us who have gone before us and have learned lessons in the areas in which we wish to grow.  However...simply doing these things is not going to increase our spiritual fruitfulness.  It increases head knowledge, but doesn't necessarily increase our potential for fruitfulness.

What the Lord began to show me was that my fruitfulness as a worship leader, as a writer, as a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, is DIRECTLY related to the way I respond to my son or my husband around the house.  (Did I demonstrate self control and kindness?)  It's directly related to the way that I love and reach out to my neighbor and lay down my life for my brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ.  (Am I selfish with my time or my resources?  Do I show genuine concern and love for others in need?  Am I willing to die?)  And the level to which I POUR MYSELF OUT is the level to which Christ is able to pour into me and use me for His kingdom purposes.  I must die, so that I may produce MANY seeds.  If I am unwilling to die, I will not multiply.  I must flow OUT, so that the water from the sanctuary can flow IN.  Then, and only then, will the fruit of Christ in my life serve as food and my leaves for healing. 

I so want this in my life.  I get so sick of myself sometimes...too much "self" and too little Christ.   I want to be poured out, so that my waters are not stagnate and unuseful for the Master.  I want to continue to be pruned so that I might bear more fruit - fruit that other lives might be encouraged and strengthened by.  "Oh, Father, let that be our prayer as the Body of Christ - to be poured out as a drink offering!  To let the waters of the sanctuary run through every part of our being, so that we might be fully mature and fruitful, able to love others freely, without selfish ambition or pride.  Enable us to desire the good of others above our own good.  Make us driven to seek Your kingdom first, in all things.  Oh, Lord, forgive us if we've tried to build our own kingdom and to be anything in and of ourselves.  ALL that we have comes from You, Lord.  We have nothing that we have not been given!  Lord, may we bear much fruit, not so our fruit might be admired, but so that it might serve as nourishment to those around us who need Your touch.  May our fruit be on display only for YOUR glory!  Forgive me for my selfishness, for the times I've had an agenda that was other than "You."  Teach me TRUE fruitfulness.  Be Thou my vision, Oh, precious Lord." 

OK...well, that's it for now.  That's the beginning of this new thing that God's stirring in my heart.  It's time for the Body of Christ to BE the Body.  And I'm preaching to myself first and foremost.  To love our awesome God and to love others....that's the bottom line.  If we do these two things, pretty soon there'll be fruit showing up all over!

It's early on a Saturday morning, and I awakened with this incredible urge to update my journal!  When I first began this journal on my website, it was before we had our son Christian.  ( I like to call it B.C.)  I was writing fairly regularly and then, suddenly, this thing called "motherhood" hit!  Life has certainly taken on a different set of priorities, but I still love the chance to check in with you all and let you know what God's been doing in my life lately.  And, as always, I love and appreciate hearing your testimonies and stories, as you write to me as well.  So encouraging!

The last year has been quite a journey.  Some very interesting chapters have unfolded - chapters I never expected to have been written.  Can anyone relate as you flip through the pages of the "story of your life" thus far, and wonder "where did THAT come from?  That wasn't supposed to be a part of MY story..."  And yet, I see this thread of God's faithfulness woven through even the most difficult moments of my journey - a sign that He is in the very fabric of my every day life - creating, molding, crafting, writing, designing, pruning - as I continue to lift my eyes to Him - the Author and Finisher of my faith.

Since I wrote last, in addition to being a wife and a mom, I spent a year directing a worship department in a very conservative church in Northern Colorado.  Coming from my background, which is non-denominational and fairly expressive - this was a bit of a shocker!  I didn't realize what an incredible challenge it would be to my paradigm of worship and to me personally.  It shook me to the core.  We knew God had clearly led us to this Body of believers, at least for a season, and they and the Pastor are precious, wonderful folks who love Jesus!  But suddenly I was faced with all that I "knew" and had experienced thus far in my life as a worship leader (people being responsive, "outwardly" entering in) and all that laid before me, which was quite different. 

The questions in me that arose were..."Have I lost my effectiveness?"  "Am I not seeking the Lord enough?"  "Have I missed You, Lord?"  "Do I need to do something differently...talk more, instruct, do more hymns?" "Have I been unknowingly receiving personal affirmation from people's responses in the past, rather than giving all the glory to You, Lord?" "What does worship really look like?" (recognize those questions at all?)  Week after week, I would seek the Lord for His heart for that week, only to feel like somehow I didn't deliver, realizing, of course, that I, in and of myself, couldn't deliver anyway.  I battled "perceived" rejection on nearly a weekly basis, until the Lord began to revolutionalize me on the inside...

He began to strip me of "me."  Ah!  The pruning shears were wielded! He showed me, and I THOUGHT I already knew this, that me leading worship really has nothing to do with me or my personal comfort or satisfaction.  (though there are so many times in His presence that may actually feel absolutely life-changing and utterly amazing!) Duh! It has to do with LESS of me and MORE of Him. Yes, I am a vessel and a tool, but how dare I think that by ME saying or doing the "right" thing that somehow all Heaven would break loose and people's hearts would be set free to worship like never before?  I have the faith for that, but it's certainly nothing that I could do in my own strength.  "Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit" became my theme.  My job is obedience, seeking Him, preparation, worshiping authentically, caring for and loving His people, pouring myself out...and He would do the rest.  These are lessons that I thought I had learned in the past, but as followers of Christ and as one who ministers from the platform, I have to be continually reminded that my posture must be that of a servant and my attitude must be one of humility and absolute dependance.  I thank the Lord that He loves me enough to keep me in that place.  Because of His grace, I continue to grow more dependant upon Him as the years pass.  The more I know Him and see Him, the more I realize, truly, what a wretch I am, and I become more and more amazed by His love and the fact that He uses me at all!  I realize that all I have to offer the world is CHRIST in me - the hope of glory.  Yeah, He's put tools in my hand - songs, a voice, the ability to lead - but they are NOTHING, absolutely nothing, without the touch of the Holy Spirit.  So, I fall down again and again at the feet of my Savior - rejoicing - for I am ransomed, redeemed, restored, renewed, refreshed...and completely and utterly dependant on all that He is to come fill all that I am, so that I might be of use to Him in this broken world.

So, God's been up to a lot in my life.  Christian is almost 3 now!  He is a delight.  SO full of personality and talking up a STORM!  He has a sweet, sweet personality, is very sensitive, but ALL BOY!  He loves tractors, semi-trucks, motorcycles, airplanes - anything with an engine!  And he is so smart!  It's scary, but if the gals in Sunday school want to figure out if something is "child-proof," they put Christian in the room for 5 minutes, and if he can't figure it out, then none of the other kids will either.  He's very mechnical.  Oh..and he LOVES music!  He has an amazing sense of rhythm and jams to all the syncopated rhythms on his Veggie Tales DVD's and in the car with Mommy and Daddy.  So CUTE!  And he is very "neat" and organized, for which Mommy is truly grateful!  Being a neat freak myself, I rejoice when I see him picking up his toys on his own and lining up things quite precisely, rather than haphazardly.  Ha!  That's my boy!

Being a Mom has taught me a lot too!  Wow!  It's taught me what "laying down your life" truly means!  It's given me a glimpse of the Father heart of God that I didn't have before.  It's forced me to become more childlike and appreciate the details of life that we miss because of busyness.  And it's teaching me to be more patient.  Of course, none of these lessons are "learned" yet...just in process.

I've also been doing a LOT of writing this last year.  Not only did I write and record my new CD "Faithful God," but I also wrote 6 new songs for a project called "Better Than Life." which will come out in the Fall of 2007.  I, Scott Krippayne and Charles Billingsley recorded this project with RBC Ministries and Mission Network News, in honor of and to raise awareness for the Persecuted Church.  We will do a mini-tour in the Fall right around the date of the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church and the CD will be released in the Fall, as well as a DVD, which will air on Pax TV.  What was SO neat about writing for this project is that Greg Yoder, the Director of Mission Network News, sent me stories to actually write about.  Stories of persecuted believers around the world who truly are counting it all JOY!  It rocked my world!  I can't wait for you to hear it.  I'll try to actually get my itinerary updated, so that you can check out where we'll be in the Fall.  I count it a huge privilege to be able to write and sing these songs, for the sake of His Kingdom.

Well, I should probably sign off now.  I think Mark and I are going to take Christian to the zoo today.  But first, I want to pray for you...

"Father, I thank you so much for every life that is reading this page right now.  I thank You for the journey that you are unfolding before them, and I thank You for being the Author and Finisher of their faith, Lord!  Father, in spite of all the things we don't understand about this path we're on, Lord, there is ONE thing that remains steadfast, and that is Your faithfulness.  As so, in light of that truth, Lord, we cling to You.  We fix our eyes on You.  We lift our hearts and lives to You.  We are wholly dependant on You for every day, for every breath, for every dream, every step...and we trust You with each page that is turning.  We pray as Jehoshaphat prayed..."God, we don't know what to do, but our eyes are upon You..."  Lord, help that to be true of us.  Help us not to look to the right or to the left, but to focus on the only One who can light up this path we're on.  We love You so much, Father.  Be glorified in and through us.  In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen...

Hi everybody!  My deepest apologies for not having written sooner.  If you noticed on my Home Page, we have had a major change to our household!  This is not an EXCUSE for not writing at all, but an excuse for not having written sooner!  Very soon, I will update my photo album with photos of our new addition and will also include the testimony of his arrival.  Our son, Christian, was born September 14, 2004 and came home to us at the end of June 2005.  Now I know I'm his Mom, but he is THE most precious little boy in the world...(I know all us moms feel that way about ours).  He is a such a joy and a delight and so much fun!  Of course, after 10 years of infertility and nearly 13 years of marriage, adding a third member to the family was a shock - especially since we had only FOUR DAYS to prepare!  Yes, I said FOUR DAYS!  After waiting for 10 years, God didn't give us nine months to prepare, as is typical, He gave us FOUR DAYS!  I will share more on that later, as it was an absolute miraculous series of events that lead to his arrival.  He is a GIFT OF GOD to us....we know that and thank God for this gift every day and we thank his birth mother for entrusting him to us as his parents.  While I'll never fully understand the 10 years of crying out to the Lord and wondering "why" He wasn't giving us a child, I know now why we had to wait.  God knew Christian was on the way and that he would be ours.  One of my FAVORITE quotes of all time was spoken by Susannah Spurgeon and it is this:

        "It is a mercy that our lives are not left for us to plan, but that our Father chooses for us; else we might sometimes turn away from our best blessings and put from us the choicest and loveliest gifts of His providence."

A-h-h-h-h-h....I love that!  Our Father knows the plans He has for us and they are the VERY BEST things that could EVER happen to us, if we will just sit back, trust in Him and watch them unfold.  The pain, the sorrow, the waiting, the questions, the hopelessness, the despair....He sees it all and is moved with great compassion.  In fact, I can just imagine Him thinking throughout those 10 long years..."Oh, if she only knew the package I have waiting for her....just hang on, Shannon. It's under the tree...I just can't give it to you quite yet.  This journey is for a reason..."  I am eternally grateful that he saved our choicest blessing for "such a time as this." 

OK, I can't see the screen now...the tears are flowing, so I better close.  I will try to do better at updating my website so that you can enjoy this journey with us.  : )

Hello all!  Long time, no write, I know!  Guilty as charged!  I have lots of good excuses, but you probably don't want to hear any of them.  Let's just say "life is busy."  Too busy sometimes.  Sometimes we just need to truly "rest."  Nothing on our minds, but resting in the Lord - letting Him restore our soul.  For me, this means hopping in the car and driving up into the mountains.  This is my escape with the Lord.  Somehow the mountains and lack of civilization take me to the place I know I should be even in the midst of the busyness of life, but sometimes have a hard time finding.  

We just moved into our house about 2 months ago, and for those of you who have moved recently, you know the process can be exhausting and ongoing.  But we're thankful to have a home to call our own!  Thank you, Lord.  On another subject, just a couple of weeks ago, my Mom got married!  That was exciting and we rejoice with her and Everett!  So, as you can see, I've had a lot of extra "stuff" going on lately.  It's all good. 

Also, on a musical note, the CD "I Am Free" with Worship Leader Ross Parsley, just came out on Hosanna! Integrity, and it is a great CD.  I had the privilege of singing a few solos on it and singing back-up with Ross's brother, Brad.  It was an absolute blast and the guys at New Life Church in Colorado Springs rock!  If you get a chance to check it out, you won't be disappointed.  I believe the CD is anointed of the Lord. 

I get lots of e-mails from those of you who are struggling with "childlessness" as we are.  I so appreciate you sharing your heart and your journey with us.  It is a club none of us wanted to join, but it feels better when you know others can understand your pain and be in prayer for you.  Right now Mark and I are doing some more holistic treatments as we hope and pray for our "blessing."  It's so hard to know what direction to go, if any, sometimes.  Do we pursue adoption, do we do in-vitro, do we just wait and keep trying?  And in the process, I'll be the first to admit that it rocks my faith.  I certainly never doubt that God can, but sometimes I doubt that He will, and that's where our faith has to be strong and steadfast.  Many times life just doesn't make sense and what do we do with that?  We keep believing.  And keep believing.  And keep believing.  A dear friend of mine, Kathy Ferguson, whose beloved husband Dr. Rick Ferguson died in a car accident a few years ago, taught the ladies at our church an excellent message a while back.  She taught on "real faith."  What happens when God doesn't do what we expect Him to do, or He allows something in our lives that is contrary to what we desire or expected?  Do we lose heart , or do we continue to believe His character and His heart?  Are we having faith in faith, or faith in Him who holds all things in His hands?  It was a challenging message, but a most necessary one.  Brennan Manning once said, "A God who is completely understood is no God at all."  Isn't that the truth?  Throughout the word, God allowed tragedy in His children's lives, for an appointed season.  They often felt neglected, abandoned, left for dead.  But God is a God of restoration, and He will never just leave us broken.  He may not fix it the way we want Him to, but He will restore our souls, and we will see the fruit in due season. 

In regards to infertility, it's very painful, because it means surrendering what you've dreamed of your whole life.  But we've got to surrender it, because in losing our life. we will find it.  Even after 9 years of "trying," though I am tempted to lose hope, I still believe that God has His eye on us and at His appointed time, He will bless us with a child.  But I must be OK even if He doesn't.  As Job said..."Though He slay me, yet will I serve Him."  "Lord,  hope deferred has made my heart sick, but help me to have that Job kind of "real faith,"  that I might never doubt the Person and the heart of who You are, no matter how this journey of infertility ends."    

It's trials like these that take the candy-coating off of our faith.  Infertility is a bitter cup, but oh, the sweet, sweet Companion we have in Jesus, who walks every step with us and has sipped a bitter cup Himself on our behalf.

When I look at the last time I wrote I simply can't believe how quickly time has flown this year.  Does anybody else feel that way?  Like, where did 2004 go?  Remember how slowly the days used to roll by when you were just a kid?  I would play "Light Bright,"  "Tinker Toys," or have stuffed animal tea parties for hours!  "Kick the Can" seemed to go on forever, as did adventures on my bike through the trails in the woods behind our house.  Time seemed to stand still.  Things change as we grow older, that's for sure.  But oh, how I long to keep that childlike approach to life, that lack of anxiety, that absolute faith that things will be OK.  The years, the trials and the circumstances of our lives, not to mention the responsibilities we incur, tend to steal away that childlike viewpoint.  Yet Christ said that unless we become as little children we won't inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.  Wow!  So, it should be our goal to have an innocent trust and unwavering confidence in our Abba. 

I just finished reading "Ruthless Trust" by Brennan Manning - one of my favorite authors.  What an incredibly deep and intense book.  One of those 'heart surgery' type books that you cry through, and feel transformed by after reading.  I'd like to share a few meaningful quotes from the book that I jotted into my journal while reading it.   

"Often trust begins on the far side of despair.  When all human resources are exhausted, when the craving for reassurances is stifled, when we forego control, when we cease trying to manipulate God and demystify Mystery then - at our wits end - trust happens within us and the untainted cry, 'Abba, into Your hands I commend my spirit' surges from the heart."

"Humble men and women do not have a LOW opinion of themselves, they have NO opinion of themselves because they so rarely think about themselves.  The heart of humility lies in undivided attention to God.  Neither overly sensitive to criticism nor inflated by praise, they recognize their brokenness, acknowledge their gifts and refuse to take themselves seriously."

"When my mind is replaying past glories and defeats or imagining unknown tomorrows, the music of what is happening is muted."

"My experience of God has taught me that whatever He does must of necessity be good.  Thus, everything that I receive from His loving hand or whatever He permits me to receive from the hands of others - whether it be prosperity or adversity, sweet or bitter - I accept with joy and see it as a sign of His favor.  For many years now, my first resolution each morning is to attach myself to nothing but the will of God alone.  I have learned that the will of God is the love of God.  And by the outpouring of His grace, I have so merged my will with His that whatever He wills, I will too.  Therefore, I have always been happy." (spoken by a homeless man on the church steps)

"Trust is the preminent expression of love.  It means more to Jesus when we say, "I trust You," than when we say, "I love you."

As you can tell, this book is rich with meaning!  I encourage you to read it if you are deeply desiring to fully trust God, but find yourself unable.  I realized that I constantly try to reconcile the difficulties in my life with God's trustworthiness, as if He defines being trustworthy the way I do.  He can be trusted PERIOD - whether I cry out to Him to give Mark and me a child til I'm as old as Sarah and Abraham!  That doesn't mean my heart won't ache for as long as I live, and He doesn't expect that it won't.  But in the midst of that trial I absolutely have to trust in His abundant love and goodness toward me and not look at my circumstance as a sign of His disfavor.  I must believe what the Word says about His character - the very essence of Who He is is LOVE.  And He loves me and He loves YOU!  PERIOD!!! 

Well, on that note, I guess I'll close for now.  I pray each one of you has a blessed Christmas and Holiday Season with your friends and family and that we each take the time to rejoice and relish in the deep well of God's love & mercy.  He is WORTHY to be PRAISED!  Hallelujah!

Can you believe it’s almost August?  Nope, it can't be!  Boy, I've been quite negligent in my journaling lately!  It's been a busy, busy month - getting used to my new position at our church, doing some traveling, not to mention the "stuff of life" that always seems to be piling up on my proverbial desk.  Mark and I are grateful to be back in Colorado and are enjoying some unusually cool weather for July! (75 degrees for a high today!  Love it!) Last week I returned from the Saddleback Worship Conference in California.  I attended with our other worship leader, our choir director and our worship leader's daughter.  This was the first worship conference I've actually had the privilege of just attending!  Other than the one night singing with Paul Baloche (which was a sheer joy), I got to sit and soak and worship.  What a concept!  It rocked!  There were great classes and fabulous speakers all week.  Because I hit the ground running when I got back to Colorado, I still need to take the time to digest everything that I "ingested" while I was there.  Contemplative, processing time with the Lord is so important, otherwise everything we learn or receive just goes in one ear and out the other, right?

I've been thankful lately to have had some time to be songwriting again.  I had really slacked off there for a while, due to sheer busyness, and God's been pointing me to my piano quite a bit as of late.   I feel a definite stirring in my spirit to begin preparing for another recording sometime soon.  I would appreciate all of your prayers for direction in this area!  Something about leading worship on a regular basis again, like I was doing while I was at Christ for the Nations, always stirs my heart to begin writing more.  It's almost as if I'm in an incubator of his presence.  So many folks who spoke or taught at the Saddleback conference kept saying that churches need songs that are birthed from within - their own personal, corporate expressions - instead of just doing all the songs that everybody else is doing, in the same key and in the same arrangement!  I say "Amen" to that!  So I came back stoked to write! 

I pray that God will make His loving presence more and more known to you this month and that the richness of His grace will be poured out to you in abundance!  He is a faithful, faithful God - no doubt about it.