My son got a "buy one, get one free" coupon for the circus in Fort Collins in his backpack at school earlier this week. "The El Jebel Shriner's Circus 2010! Come one, come all!" So, we decided to take them up on their offer, as Christian hadn't yet been to a circus in all of his five year old life. As we headed west toward the foothills we pulled up to Colorado State University's Equine Center. I never knew that was there, but there it was....a world of wonder and delight waiting just inside those red brick walls. It was not the traditional striped tent, but a circus fairyland nonetheless, filled with cotton candy, popcorn, animals and manure (which was, by the way, being given away for free - the manure, that is - for folks who wanted it for gardening. Not a bad souvenir, I guess).

Speaking of animals and manure...when I was little I wanted to be a veterinarian. I wanted to be a veterinarian so much that I used to visit our local vet's office every day after school. My Mom lined that little "gig" up for me and for my best friend Amy Carter. My job was to pet the animals. I would go from cage to cage and just pet, pet, pet. I was in heaven. I clearly remember the desperate feeling I had, in that I wanted them all to be able to get out of their cages and be free. They looked so very sad, or at least I imagined they were. This was not the way a cat or a dog was meant to live! But the vet gave me a gracious "no," and so I had to squeeze my 6 or 7 year old hand through the wire cages in order to reach their fluffy fur. To this day visiting the zoo or the circus is always a bit bittersweet. I just want to run up and pet the animals and then let them all loose, which is probably still not such a great idea.

The equine center is a rather smallish building, so we had really good seats close to where the action was. We saw acrobats climb up to the ceiling with only a thin red rope tied to their ankle. We witnessed tigers jump through fire hoops, an elephant carry a girl by his trunk and poodles ride in cars and pose for pictures. At intermission I took Christian down for a pony ride and we got a red snow cone for him and a blue one for Daddy. As cute and entertaining as everything was, I couldn't help but look at the faces of each circus performer...the human beings this time - as they danced, jumped or risked their life for our applause. I wondered what brought them here to this crazy circus world. What on earth was their story? Are they fulfilling a lifelong dream or are they running away from a life that still haunts them? Do they tire of going from town to town setting up those same three rings day after day? Are they married? Do they have a family or friends waiting for them at home? Or do they have nothing left at all, which is why they are here...now. I'll never know, but I still wonder. And with that wonder comes a little bit of an ache.

It was then and there, in that three-ring frenzy, that I realized that my life, too, is sometimes like a circus. In one ring, I am juggling. Juggling all the crazy things that life seems to throw my way...good things, hard things, unexpected things, God things. I seem to keep gaining more bowling pins and forget that, perhaps, I should lay one or two down so that I don't have to continuously pick up speed and give less and less time and attention to each. In another ring I am dressed like a clown, trying to make the world laugh, smiling on the outside, while on the inside I am tired and I just want to run home and let the tears stream down my happy, white make-up. In the third ring, I am a graceful acrobat in a purple and gold sparkling outfit, climbing and twirling with ease, taking each moment in stride. I am grace personified. I am unafraid because someone waits below to catch me in case I should misstep and fall. It is in this ring I am most free. And what about those cages? Well, I still find myself reaching my now thirty-something year old hand through their wires. Only this time I am sitting inside the cage rather than on the outside gazing in. And I see a Lion pacing just beyond the wires peering in at me, longing for me to break free of whatever fear or unbelief has caged me in this time. He reaches His paw in as far as my sturdy cage will let Him and I stroke it lovingly, knowing there is so much more to Him than I allow myself to embrace.

OK...so maybe this is way too analytical after going to a perfectly innocent circus. But I think the Holy Spirit can speak to our hearts anywhere. I just want to make sure that I slow down this "circus-like" existence long enough to imagine what someone else's story might be and dare to leap into it. I want to lay down a few of these bowling pins I juggle because they keep me constantly distracted. Or maybe at times it's not about my "ring" at all, and I need to stop juggling altogether, so that I can jump into another ring to assist. And for heaven's sake, I want to stop stuffing my face with popcorn or snow cones, or whatever, and work on getting myself out of this wire cage. Because the truth is, all this child has ever wanted is to snuggle with the Lion.

Just an afternoon at the circus.